Donald Trump has spent his final afternoon before the Thanksgiving break slaughtering by hand every single turkey pardoned by former president Barack Obama.
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Chancellor Philip Hammond has used his budget to freeze the duty on beer, wine and spirits, ensuring the alcohol the government is driving you to isn’t going to get any more expensive.
As rumours continue to circulate that a senior minister had a reputation for masturbating at his desk, MPs seek clarification on exactly when and where they can masturbate at work.
The Conservatives will be announcing plans to tax your actual happiness today, as part of the budget.
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