Jeremy Corbyn calls for independent enquiry into outcome of a game of Cluedo
The Labour leader has said it is ‘impossible to be sure’ that Professor Plum killed Doctor Black with the Candlestick in the Ballroom.
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Theresa May calls on Rastamouse to beat London crime epidemic
Crime-fighting rodent Rastamouse is the key to cutting knife-related murders in London, according to Theresa May.
Lib Dems to appoint Elvis in ‘How to stay popular after you’re dead’ consultancy role
The Liberal Democrat Party, which died two years ago when the Tories pushed it off the toilet, have confirmed today that they are to appoint Elvis Presley in a non-executive role, to assist in making the party popular whilst it is dead.
Man unwilling to blame Russia for Salisbury poisoning unless he can personally review all of MI5’s evidence
A man is steadfastly refusing to believe Russia was involved in the Salisbury poisoning unless the nation’s security services visit him at home and personally walk him through all of the classified evidence they have gathered.
