The CIA has updated its list of acceptable enhanced interrogation techniques to include a vegan dinner party, much to the disgust of human rights organisations across the globe.
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White House officials have revealed that they are spending so much time gathering quotes to release to the press insisting that the President is not an idiot, that they have been forced to hire someone specifically for the role.
As the diplomatic rift over scallop fishing escalates, the French Navy has said it would intervene to settle matters and wished to thank prominent British right-wingers for constantly clamouring for the navy to be sent in.
Brexit can still be saved, according to the man who has done everything within his power to distance himself from it.
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