Amid reports of bitter disagreements between Sajid Javid and Theresa May, the Home Office has tried to reassure the public that, whatever the final numbers, the nation’s immigration policy will still be run with the sole aim of soothing the ridiculous fears of pig-ignorant angry tabloid readers.
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Whitehall insiders have secretly revealed that Downing Street is actually touched by the kind words directed at Theresa May by Jeremy Corbyn during parliamentary questions today.
Downing Street has countered accusations that No Deal will be a disaster by stating the UK will be subdivided to facilitate food distribution and that they will create some sort of sporting event for teenagers to lift everybody’s mood.
The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future have announced that they’re not even going to bother trying to get Theresa May to mend her ways this year.
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