Politics

Irish border checks to be carried out on Craggy Island

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The Irish border issue has finally been cracked.

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Prime Minister delays Brexit deal vote until she’s finished writing her CV

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Theresa May hasn’t finished polishing her Curriculum Vitae yet, and will be delaying the Brexit vote until she does.

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Boris Johnson hoping new haircut tricks people into forgetting he’s a twat

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Boris Johnson, the leading Brexiter and former Foreign Secretary, has made a return to frontline politics by getting a haircut that does not make him look like a drunk alpaca, in the mistaken belief it will erase all memories of him being a colossal twat.

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“You lost, get over it” Brexiters told outside European Court of Justice

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Brexit supporters have been ‘gently encouraged’ to accept the rule of law and allow parliament the right to unilaterally revoke Article 50, should it decide it’s in the best interests of the country.

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Government pilot scheme to reduce state pension liability fails as 71-year-old survives jungle ordeal

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A new initiative by the Department for Work and Pensions to kill off pensioners in a way that definitely isn’t murder has been deemed unsuccessful after Harry Redknapp won this year’s ‘I’m a Celebrity’.

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Theresa May urged not to sign any more Christmas cards ‘from the Prime Minister’

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Government advisers have instructed the Prime Minister to get used to signing things as ‘Theresa’ again.

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Brexit Betrayal march to attract people from all walks of racism

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Today’s Brexit Betrayal march is attracting ordinary folk from across the racist spectrum, according to reports

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Paul Nuttall denies ever being a member of UKIP

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Former UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has today denied ever being a member of the increasingly far-right party, claiming he was too busy off celebrating his leading role in the new Harry Potter film.

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Alderaan government forced to release impact assessments on effect of leaving the Empire.

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The government of Alderaan has been forced to release documents showing the projected long-term effects of leaving the Galactic Empire after a showdown in the Senate. 

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Brexiters who’ve spent over two years saying ‘you lost, get over it’ still waiting to discover what they’ve won

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With TheresaMay’s Brexit deal with the EU no closer to being agreed by parliament and many promises already broken, Brexiteers who’ve spent 30 months saying ‘you lost, get over it’ are still waiting to find out precisely what they’ve won.

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