Politics

Boris Johnson wakes from massive bender hoping he didn’t do anything stupid

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Boris Johnson has woken from a four-day bender this morning and expressed a hope he didn’t do anything he might regret whilst hammered.

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New film ‘Yesterday’ depicts world where man wakes up and no one has heard of Brexit

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Richard Curtis and Danny Boyle have unveiled their new film ‘Yesterday’, depicting a world where a man wakes from a coma and no one has heard of Brexit.

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Michael Gove to join Motley Crue

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Following the disappointment of failing to get through to the final two in the Tory leadership contest, Michael Gove has announced that he will be quitting politics to join Motley Crue.

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Mark Field buys ‘This Is What A Feminist Looks Like’ t-shirt

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The Tory Minister that caused a social media uproar, by slamming a young woman into a pillar before grabbing her by the neck, has hit back against his critics by stating he doesn’t see gender when he violently overreacts to someone criticising his policies.

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Tory minister leaps into action to bravely grab throat of woman threatening to use words he didn’t like

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Tory minister Mark Field has lept to the defence of those sitting around him at a black-tie event by grabbing the throat of a woman in a red dinner dress who was saying things he didn’t like.

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Tory leadership battle reduced to Tw*t vs C*nt

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The Tory leadership battle is now down to it’s final two, where a twat will face a cunt to decide who runs the country into the fucking ground.

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Instead of further Tory leadership votes can we have a Thunderdome, asks everyone

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In the wake of yet further rounds of voting to determine the next prime minister and leader of the Conservative party, the nation has asked that the idea be dropped altogether and replaced by a one-off Thunderdome contest.

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Most Tory members would accept mass starvation if it got their grandkids to friend them on Facebook, reveals poll

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A new YouGov survey on the political priorities of Conservative party members showed that a majority of them would be happy to see Britain become a dystopian hellhole if it meant their grandchildren would stop ignoring them on social media and in real life.

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Tories reject Rory Stewart’s bold new vision of politicians telling the truth

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Tory MPs have rejected outsider Rory Stewart’s bold new vision of a Prime Minister who tells the country the truth.

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Plans to graft Rory Stewart onto Michael Gove in order to combat Boris Johnson

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Rory Stewart has confirmed that his team is in talks with Michael Gove’s team to graft the two contenders’ bodies together to create a terrifying mutant Tory leadership hybrid that could take on Boris Johnson.

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