Politics

Woke Brigade expands to Woke Division, commanded by Woke Major-General

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The Woke Brigade has announced that it has expanded to a Woke Division and has in place a new Work Major-General.

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Boris Johnson’s April Fool’s Day prank backfires after learning Queen and country gratefully accepted his resignation

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Boris Johnson is now unemployed after another horrifically misjudged attempt at humour.

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Government to stop talking about BAME people because, well, Priti’s working on something

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An ultranationalist government with a proven callousness towards human life that has recently criminalised most forms of protest, has just declared that the initialism for Black And Minority Ethnic will not be of any official use in the future, but no-one should worry about it.

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Yes, I shag around but you love it really, Boris tells nation

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Boris Johnson has come clean with the voting public about his affairs but has reassured them that they actually really like his promiscuous behaviour.

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Leaked footage of Boris defecating on picture of Queen not expected to affect his popularity

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The shocking footage released last night of Prime Minister defecating on a picture of the Queen as he laughs and calls her an ‘old cow’ is not expected to hurt him in the polls.

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Suez blockage: UK sends team of experts to help Egypt pretend this is what they wanted all along

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As part of the government’s Global Britain strategy, the UK has offered help to the Egyptian government by sending in the world’s foremost experts at claiming a widely mocked catastrophe is actually a brilliant opportunity that will be praised by future historians.

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Alex Salmond launches new party with a pledge to reach out and touch the people of Scotland

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Alex Salmond has launched a new political party with the promise that it will get on top of the Scottish people as quickly as possible.

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You must go back to commuting to a proper office, insists man whose proper office is in his house

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Chancellor Rishi Sunak is today insisting that workers will likely quit if they are not forced to go back to commuting on the nations crumbling infrastructure to sit in a poorly lit office for eight hours a day, instead of being allowed to work from home.

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All babies to be tattooed with huge Union Jack under new government proposals

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A draft government white paper proposing that all babies should be tattoed with a gigantic Union Jack has been leaked to the press this morning.

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Boris Johnson denies government is hiding behind nationalistic symbolism after unveiling his new outfit for PMQs

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Boris Johnson has denied his government is hiding behind a huge drive for nationalistic symbolism, insisting his new outfit for PMQs was chosen purely because it compliments his complexion.

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