Politics

‘We always hoped that one day our suffering would be used to help struggling corporate landlords’, admits man who survived the Blitz

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A 94-year-old man who lived through the Blitz has spoken of his delight that the government is using second world war imagery to encourage people back to the office to help the depreciating property portfolios of struggling corporate landlords.

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Boris to save Christmas by writing ‘Christmas has been saved’ on a bus

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The Prime Minister will ensure everyone has a happy Christmas by writing more lies on the side of a big red bus.

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New Winter of Discontent will ‘level up’ the original, promises Government

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Britain’s forthcoming Winter of Discontent will not be a direct sequel to the 1978 effort but will take the themes of shortages, unhappiness and death to the next level.

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Hell of Brexit worth it to reach sunlit uplands of Brexit, insist Tories

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Enduring the hellish reality of Brexit is worth it in order to reach the sunlit uplands of Brexit, government ministers have insisted today.

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Don’t leave servants on standby: Jacob Rees-Mogg’s guide to reducing household bills

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With energy bills set to rocket, man of the people Jacob Rees-Mogg offers some valuable financial advice.

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Brexiters fearful that Brexit has threatened the supply chain for foreigner scapegoats

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Staunch supporters of Brexit have been left deeply troubled after a leaked government report stated that crashing out of the EU has severely limited the supply of people and institutions that they routinely hold responsible for every aspect of modern life that makes them angry.

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Man criticising people on benefits for having flat screen TVs urged to try buying one using a cathode ray tube

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A man who says losing £20 a week in Universal Credit shouldn’t be too much of a problem for benefit claimants who have flat-screen televisions, has been tasked with finding a shop that will sell him any other kind.

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Food bank users have a whip round for Tory MP who said he struggles to get by on £81,932 salary

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Food bank users are today giving donations to help a Conservative MP who has bravely admitted that he is also struggling to get by on his meagre salary.

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New discoveries show ancient Maya saw droughts as a necessary change of direction towards a high wage, large temple society

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Recent translations of Mayan glyphs show that, just before their civilisation utterly collapsed, Maya kings told their subjects that starvation was a short term adjustment and to have faith in their policy of boosterism and cutting out the hearts of foreigners

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Keir Starmer still telling his toolmaker joke

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Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer is still telling his toolmaker joke he used during his conference speech.

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