Politics

New advice that highly flatulent people should wear ‘arse masks’ in enclosed spaces

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After government officials admitted that it was now possible people could catch Covid from other people’s farts, highly flatulent people will be asked to wear arse masks in enclosed spaces.

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Boy accused of breach of protocol ‘publicity stunt’ for accusing Emperor of ‘nudity’ during Imperial fashion parade

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Dean Valet, a young boy known for his observation skills, has caused a furore by using terms prohibited when discussing sartorial arrangements of monarchs and has been accused by many of deliberately creating a media storm to raise his profile among his peers.

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We call Boris Johnson a liar every day, where’s our media exposure?

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That Boris Johnson lies as easily as he breathes is a universally acknowledged fact; right up there with the Earth orbiting the Sun, two plus two equaling four, and Coldplay being a morose and vastly overrated band, led by the dullest front-man ever.

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‘I’m not a liar’ lies Boris Johnson

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Boris Johnson has insisted today that he is not a liar in any way shape or form, which is of course a lie, thus proving that he is a liar.

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Boris Johnson’s nose is now visible from space

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Repeated lying to fellow MPs and the British public by the Prime Minister has resulted in his nose now being visible from space.

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Lord Frost triumphant after EU agrees to UK demands in exchange for 600 litres of tartan paint

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In a reversal many deemed impossible, oddly cheerful European officials have told Brexit minister Lord Frost that they would be delighted to give the UK all it wants as long as he goes to B&Q to pick up some tartan paint, left handed screwdrivers and a long stand.

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Murderers offered 4% pay rise

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The Government has announced that murderers will be offered a 4% pay rise this year.

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The Northern Ireland Protocol negotiated by David Frost was clearly a load of bollocks, insists David Frost

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Former Chief Negotiator, now Brexit Minister, David Frost has expressed his deep concern at the absolute state of the Brexit deal relating to Northern Ireland that was struck by Brexit Minister and former Chief negotiator David Frost.

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Footballers should only benefit commercially from being arseholes, says absolute moron

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Marcus Rashford should not benefit commercially or in any way whatsoever from being a caring, kind and genuine person says a complete moron today.

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Brexiter refuses vaccine passport but still insists they should be BLUE

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Your local Brexiter is branding vaccine passports as a disgrace but is still insistent on what colour they should be.

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