Politics

Avoiding a hard border between the EU and a country which voted to remain in the EU is anti-democratic, insists Boris Johnson

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Boris Johnson has told the EU that the Irish border backstop plan is undemocratic, merrily ignoring the fact that 56% of Northern Ireland voted to remain in the EU.

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Ending freedom of movement could see Santa barred from delivering in the UK after Brexit

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Changes to Britain’s immigration system after it leaves the European Union may stop Santa Claus from making his annual festive flying visit, it has emerged.

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Government report with all the wonderful benefits of no-deal Brexit remains steadfastly unleaked

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The government report that outlines all the wonderful benefits the nation will reap in the event of a no-deal Brexit remains steadfastly unleaked, according to sources this morning.

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Trump administration moves to abolish women

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The American government confirmed today that it intends to abolish women as it believes that they are responsible for all the evils of the world.

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Why aren’t parents listening to expert advice on vaccines, asks man who’s spent three years publicly denouncing ‘experts’

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As the UK lost its ‘Measles-free’ classification, Boris Johnson has ordered urgent action to ensure young people are protected against Measles, and to find out why in the last three year parents have become far more sceptical of the opinions and advice of experts on the matter.

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Operation Yellowhammer report is just project fear and should be ignored, insists government that wrote it

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The leaked report about Operation Yellowhammer has been dismissed as ‘project fear’ by those who wrote it.

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Michael Gove addresses no-deal concerns insisting ‘People have had enough of exports’

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The UK’s no-deal planner Michael Gove is confident that fears about a three-month disruption at ports are unwarranted because people have had quite enough of the free movement of goods anyway.

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Larry the Downing Street Cat accepts offer to lead a Government of National Unity

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As the row escalates on how to stop Boris Johnson from implementing a catastrophic No Deal Brexit, Downing Street’s resident feline has announced he would be happy step up in order to stop the acrimonious fight between Labour and the Lib Dems.

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MC Hammer open to leading interim government

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With continued infighting amongst Remain leaders over who should lead any potential interim government, there was widespread relief at the news that MC Hammer is open to taking on the role of a temporary Prime Minister.

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Squabbling over who’s in charge is the priority for Remain movement, confirm inspiring leaders

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The inspiring leaders of the movement to push back against Brexit and keep Britain in Europe have confirmed that their priority remains to fight amongst themselves over exactly whose in charge of the whole thing.

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