Prime Minister Boris Johnson has outlined his negotiated Brexit deal, ensuring that everyone is unhappy with it, regardless of how they voted in the referendum.
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After government sources leaked that Boris Johnson had agreed on the terms of a trade deal with the EU, everybody in the nation was adamant it was awful despite the draft document having only being read by about seven people so far.
The Virgin Mary and her husband Joseph have been arrested today for breaching Tier 4 travel restrictions after being caught travelling a number of miles on the back of a donkey to give birth in a different region.
In a wide-ranging speech yesterday Boris Johnson claimed that he used to play bass with Take On Me hitmakers A-ha, that his Dad invented the Rubiks Cube and that he is the World Champion at Pac-man.
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