Homeschooling parents fantasise about quarantining alone in hotel room for ten days
Mums and dads all over the UK are wishing they could spend a quiet week or so watching telly and eating room service in an airport hotel.
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Arthur Scargill joins Tories as new coal mine opens
Hero of the working classes, Arthur Scargill, has joined the Conservative Party after they allowed the opening of a new coal mine in Cumbria.
Government asks if Captain Tom funeral procession could ‘go round the garden’ for some NHS funding
The Government has put in an official request to Captain Tom’s family for his funeral procession to ‘go round the garden once or twice’ in order to raise funds for the NHS.
Labour candidates to carry a golliwog in their pocket, claims leaked strategy memo
In a bid to recapture the famous red wall seats, Labour HQ has instructed campaigners to display the Union Jack, dress smartly and get hammered on Stella before going on rants about ‘those people getting the best council houses, you know who I mean’.
