‘Breaking social distancing guidelines’ the new ‘Netflix and chill’
The way Matt Hancock reframed his affair so it became a breach of Covid regulations has given the world its latest euphemism for sex.
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Serial philanderer refuses to condemn adulterer
Boris Johnson has insisted he considers the ‘matter closed’ now that Health Secretary Matt Hancock has said sorry for breaking social distance rules while conducting an affair with one of his aides.
Boy says he is “very sorry” about shaving the cat and now considers the matter closed
A mischievous schoolboy is reported to have found a foolproof loophole to escape any form of punishment for his misdeeds, by simply issuing a blatantly insincere apology then declaring that he will now return to serious business delivering world-beating homework.
Shaggy to release ‘It wasn’t me and let’s move on to talking about the success of the UK vaccination programme’
Shaggy is to release an updated version of his hit ‘It wasn’t me’, in which he advises a man caught cheating on his wife to pivot to talking about the UK vaccination programme.
