Champagne corks were flying in Downing Street last night as the Johnson administration enjoyed the rare event of an entire third of a day without the shambolic failure of an obviously doomed political strategy or a hugely embarrassing defection.
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The nation is beginning to reap the many benefits of Brexit before Britain has even left the EU, it has emerged, after a chain of pubs announced they would reduce the price of a murky glass of warm piss by up to 20p.
Boris Johnson, a mop-headed bag of swamp gas that is currently squatting Downing Street, is struggling to understand why people are undermining him and working against him even though he has done the same and worse to anyone foolish enough to trust him.
With MPs blocking no-deal the Prime Minister is working 24/7 to negotiate a new deal with the EU – primarily by visiting Scottish farmers to lie to them about their economic prospects post-Brexit.
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