After it was decided that Big Ben wouldn’t be rung on 31st January to mark Brexit, Mr Francois is understood to be planning to take matters – and his penis – into his own hands.
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Reeling from the news that Harry and Meghan want to step away from the Royal Family Her Majesty has approached the EU for advice on how to make leaving as difficult as possible.
Amid rumours of a softening on the government’s immigration targets, the Home Office has moved to reassure the public that, whatever the final numbers, the nation’s immigration policy will still be run with the sole aim of soothing the ridiculous fears of pig-ignorant angry tabloid readers.
Chief Fool of the UK, Boris Johnson, has assuaged Northern Ireland’s concerns about the possible end of the Good Friday Agreement by saying the Tories will replace it with a Great Friday Agreement instead.
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