Scientists discover positive correlation between proximity to Boris Johnson and daily alcohol consumption
The closer you are to Boris Johnson, the more alcohol you are likely to consume, according to science this morning.
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Leaked footage shows nobody in Downing Street has washed their hands for two years
Downing Street staff haven’t washed their hands since the start of the pandemic, new videos show.
Dinosaurs announce plan to ‘learn to live with’ planet-destroying asteroid
After long discussions and internal conflict amongst the dinosaur leadership, dinosaurs have finally settled on a plan to ‘learn to live with’ an asteroid that is on course to smash into earth, killing every living thing on the planet.
Fully-vaccinated French newcomer Novacques Chocoviche given wild-card entry to Australian Open
Previously unknown French tennis player Novacques Chocoviche has been given a wild-card entry to the Australian Open after proving his vaccination status.
