The government has announced new rules that will require you to wear a face mask in all shops from the 24th July, unless you are carrying a pint and decide to treat the place like a pub.
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A Brexiter who has spent the last twelve months insisting a no-deal Brexit is nothing to worry about because the Blitz spirit will help the nation deal with it, is today furiously bemoaning how awful it is to have to wear a mask to the supermarket.
A build-up of horses on the M25 this morning has prompted the government to take swift action regarding the retrospective fitting of barn doors to stables.
The Prime Minister has made clear that your errand boy should probably wear a mask when conducting his shopping duties.
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