Wetherspoons boss Tim Martin has insisted that it’s almost impossible for coronavirus particles to spread in his pubs simply because every single surface is horrifically sticky.
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The government has added the whole of Merseyside to the COVID watch list today due to a rise in infection rates, along with Birmingham, and Bolton, and Newcastle, and Leicester, and Manche….oh fuck it everywhere in the pissing country, it is revealed.
Following a perfectly legitimate chat with the leader of the Scottish Tories, the BBC has decided that the people of Scotland don’t need to know about government measures to contain COVID 19 and would much prefer to hear what English people think of their culture.
Prime Minister Boris fucking Johnson has proposed a bold new ‘moonshot’ initiative to eliminate coronavirus using Jedi space magic.
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