The government has confirmed this morning that further orders of the Pfizer vaccine have been cancelled, following a breakthrough by a small British company.
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A man, with a longstanding family history of depression and heart disease, has revealed today that he will not allow some vaccine into his body that might alter his DNA.
The government proudly announced that the entire world will be watching when it inevitably turns the vaccine rollout into an unmitigated disaster that will see billions wasted on tragicomic errors like immunising the same police horse 7000 times.
Boris Johnson has announced plans to drive around the country convincing people to get vaccinated by showing them a great big red bus.
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