Health

‘I’m a runner NOT a jogger’ fumes indignant jogger

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A highly irate man who self-identifies as a ‘runner’ has caused a workplace ruckus by storming out of the tearoom after someone asked if he ‘was still doing the jogging’.

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Steamed vaginas ‘not a food’ confirms Wellness clinic

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A Wellness clinic has been forced to clarify that steamed vaginas are not a food but are, in fact, a treatment.

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Man astonished to discover some crisps in a packet of Walkers

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A man who opened a standard-sized bag of Walkers was ‘astonished’ to discover there were actually some fucking crisps in it for once.

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Confusion and despair as man ages a year

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A man was left reeling after it became apparent that, due to circumstances beyond his control, he had aged a year.

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52% of children vote to eat only ice-cream instead of vegetables

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In a legally binding referendum, the nation’s children will now all eat only ice cream, regardless of the consequences to their health.

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Brexiters slam meddling EU bureaucrats for insisting ‘doctors should be fully qualified’

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Campaign groups backing Brexit have today launched a full out attack on the European Union, claiming that meddling eurocrats are preventing doctors from becoming doctors without completing their medical training.

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Avocado hoping to spend National Avocado Day being celebrated meets horrific end dissolved in stomach acid

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Avocados have been left bitterly disappointed after learning that National Avocado Day is in fact bad news for all of them.

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Millions report to their GP with symptoms of whatever it is that is treated with weed

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Doctor’s surgeries have this morning been inundated with patients who feel a touch of whatever it is that can be treated with medicinal cannabis coming on.

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Dr Legg forced out of retirement by NHS staff shortages

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A 92-year-old East End doctor has been forced back to work to meet chronic shortages within the NHS.

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Government pledges ‘adequate supplies’ of red sarcophagus liquid in event of no-deal Brexit

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There will be sufficient red sarcophagus liquid for every man, woman and child in Britain after a ‘no-deal’ Brexit, the government has reassured the nation today.

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