Health

Sir Christopher Chope convinced FGM is popular men’s lifestyle magazine

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Tory MP, Sir Christopher Chope, has blocked a bid to end FGM, insisting there aren’t enough publications offering general advice on anything from lifestyle to dating tips.

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Mother wants to know if you’re OK after seeing all those strange memes you’re sharing

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Your mother is worried about you, according to reports this afternoon.

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Major fire at Ocado leads to panic buying of Avocado and Quinoa

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A ‘major fire’ at middle-class grocery delivery outlet Ocado has led to predictions of ‘severe shortages’ of Avocados and Quinoa for at least several days, according to reports.

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Man who successfully completed Veganuary spending today eating own body weight in meat

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A man who gave up eating meat for January is today trying to eat an entire dead pig to himself.

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Woman who always has heating on full still going out in a strappy top and skirt tonight

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A woman whose heating is always on full blast is still going out in a strappy top and miniskirt tonight.

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Supergonorrhoea to join ailing DC Extended Universe

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Supergonorrhoea has joined the DC Extended Universe in a bit to raise awareness of the ailing film franchise.

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Veganuary sees huge surge in popularity due to how angry it makes Piers Morgan

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Veganuary, a campaign for people to stop eating meat and using animal products for January, has received a huge boost in popularity once it became apparent exactly how angry the whole thing was making Piers Morgan.

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Vegans tired of non-vegans always banging on about vegans always banging on about being vegans

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Vegans simply can’t help banging on about the fact that they are vegan, according to non-vegans who keep banging on about it.

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Man’s dry January scuppered by weekend

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Plans not to touch a drop of alcohol for the entirety of January were derailed by a ‘weekend’, local man Simon Williams has admitted this morning.

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People should spend more screen-time reading satirical websites, confirm doctors

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A massive report into the effects of screen-time on the human brain published today has concluded that people should spend a lot more time reading satirical websites.

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