Health

Vaccine Inventor Barbie’s boyfriend Ken is anti-vax Covid denier

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After a new Barbie doll based on Oxford vaccine creator Dame Sarah Gilbert was revealed, it has emerged that her male equivalent, Ken, is a Covid-denying arsehole.

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Woman suffering from gout really wants to hear your joke about drinking port

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A woman who is suffering from gout has admitted that she is really looking forward to hearing your joke about drinking too much port.

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Neil Oliver bravely pledges to enter childrens’ chemo wards and spit on them for freedom

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Neil Oliver, a former TV archaeologist now turned heroic plague rate, has struck a blow for freedom by promising to submit people with severely compromised immune systems to a barrage of infections, causing him to be praised across the land for his sense of sacrifice.

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A&E overtakes M25 as Britain’s favourite day out

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Visiting A&E is now a more popular way for Brits to spend ten hours than sitting in stationary traffic on the M25.

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Just thump Covid in the face and get on with your life, suggests Jeremy Clarkson

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Former Top Gear presenter and slab of talking meat Jeremy Clarkson has today suggested that we stop living in fear and that people take matters into their own hands to show the coronavirus what they think of it.

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Piers Corbyn emerges as both the worst Piers and the worst Corbyn despite stiff competition

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Piers Corbyn has managed the impressive feat of being both the worst Piers and the worst Corbyn in Britain despite stiff competition, it has emerged.

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Branches of Costa on verge of becoming entirely arsehole-free

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Coffee chain Costa coffee is on the verge of becoming free from the sort of arsehole that takes advice from Laurence Fox.

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Woman feels a bit too ill to wear a mask today

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A woman has elected to not wear a mask today, as she’s feeling a little bit ill and the mask would just make her feel even worse.

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Man who spent years insisting our rules should only be made by ‘sovereign’ parliament not that keen on their rules about health passports

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A keen Brexiter who spent five years insisting the nation’s rules should only be set by our sovereign parliament is suddenly not that keen on complying with the rules set by his freshly-sovereign parliament, if it means he has to show his vaccine status to go to a football match.

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UK hits highest rate of Covid app deletion since pandemic began

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Yesterday saw the highest daily rate of NHS Test and Trace Covid app deletion since the pandemic began.

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