Billy Gilmour dons fake moustache and drives Croatia team bus
After testing positive for Covid-19, Billy Gilmour’s new job is to come into contact with the entire Croatia team.
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Dido Harding promises to keep the cost of ethnically cleansing the NHS to under £20 billion
Aware of the controversy surrounding her spending of £37 billion for a buggy version of Apple’s free track and trace app, Dido Harding has assured MPs that she would keep costs down when delivering the govt’s promise of making the NHS as “white as a matron’s cap.”
Harry Kane forced to self-isolate after watching Braveheart without a mask
England captain Harry Kane has been forced to self-isolate for 10 days it is revealed today, after watching Braveheart without wearing a mask.
No specific reason for banning Mancunians, we just don’t like them, confirms Sturgeon
Nicola Sturgeon has confirmed that there’s no specific reason for banning people from Manchester from going to Scotland, she just doesn’t like them.
