The nation’s businesses are preparing to get by with skeleton staff on Monday, after experts predicted up to 50 million positive lateral flow tests could see people forced to stay at home, probably in bed, following the European Championships final.
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A man has spent the morning gazing wistfully into the distance remembering a time when the Government didn’t seek to actively kill the population.
Lifelong libertarian Boris Johnson has announced the lifting of COVID restrictions, saying that people are capable of best deciding what’s good for them, as long as that doesn’t involve expressing any kind of public disapproval of government policy which, incidentally, is now banned.
Boris Johnson has announced an end to lockdown measures and insisted it is time for people to take ‘personal responsibility’ for their actions, because that’s precisely the sort of thing you’ll find if you take a cursory look at his personal history.
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