Health

Anti-vax bellends somehow worried about creating children as amazing as Greta Thunberg

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Anti-vax arseholes responsible for the coming measles pandemic are of the opinion that large scale infant mortality problems are better than creating a generation of highly-intelligent autistic children capable of understanding basic science.

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Man determined to challenge hypothesis that ‘Man can not live on Easter Eggs alone’

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Despite it being three full days since Easter, Simon Williams has still yet to eat anything other than Easter eggs.

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Duchess of Sussex sent home from maternity ward because all the beds are full and she’s barely even dilated

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Meghan and the Duke of Sussex travelled to the hospital on Wednesday morning but were sent home again and told to come back in a few hours, as Meghan wasn’t ‘far enough along yet’.

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Man slammed for having an emotion

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A man who felt something whilst watching the new Star Wars trailer has been condemned for not repressing the emotion deep in his psyche in an attempt to deny its existence.

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Poo particles appalled to find themselves living on your manky old toothbrush

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After toothbrush scientists revealed that most toothbrushes are riddled with shit, poo particles announced they are disgusted by the findings.

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Cats understand their name, they just choose to ignore it, study shows

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Your feline friend knows that it has a name and knows when you’re using it – it just couldn’t care less, according to a study released today.

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Man spends 35 minutes rolling anticipatory cigarette in train held outside station

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A British man is believed to have unwittingly set a new world record for time spent rolling a single cigarette yesterday, after his train was held up at a red signal just before it was due to pull into the station.

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Man complaining about eating chlorine-washed chicken unaware he swallowed chlorine-washed verruca at pool this morning

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Health conscious Brits, campaigning for the UK to veto any possible deal to import chlorine-washed chicken from the US, are apparently more than happy to gulp down a mouthful of chlorine washed scabs, verrucae and snot in their local swimming pool.

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Yorkshire on high alert after man spotted buying Quinoa in Doncaster

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People in Yorkshire are warned to be on the lookout after a man was spotted buying Quinoa in Doncaster yesterday.

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Equine flu far more severe for stallions than for fillies

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The virulent strain of equine flu which has disrupted the racing calendar this week is far more debilitating and unpleasant for stallions than it is for their female counterparts, according to a leading vet today.

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