Health

Ready Steady Cook’s Ainsley Harriott at a complete loss after being handed £30 bag of ‘free school meal’ ingredients

Ready Steady Cook legend Ainsley Harriott has been left at a complete loss after being given a bag with the ingredients that the government insists is enough for two weeks of lunches for a school-aged child.

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‘I can’t live under these strict draconian rules anymore’ says man wandering around Costco looking at massive TV’s

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A man has revealed today that he cannot continue to live under such strict draconian rules for much longer in England, whilst spending the afternoon wandering around Costco looking at OLED televisions.

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Concerns grow for Prince Philip after he receives vaccine without using racial slur about the Chinese

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Concern is growing for His Royal Highness Prince Philip after he failed to be a bit racist yesterday.

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Experts warn dogging “could be extinct by mid-February”

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Much like many of its participants, the dogging scene is on its knees.

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Government insists travellers wishing to enter the UK must have their head examined

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Foreign travellers stupid enough to want to come to the UK may need to have their head examined for before being allowed entry, it has been revealed today.

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Government issues new advice to run around with your pants on your head screaming

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The government has issued urgent new advice for people to run around with their pants on their head screaming.

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Just get the Army to illegally invade people’s homes and force the vaccine on them, suggests Tony Blair

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Tony Blair has today proposed a quick, effective way to get the nation vaccinated based on his tried and tested methods, it has emerged.

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Government to convince anti-vax morons to take vaccine by telling them it contains sovereignty

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The government plans to convince the anti-vax community to take the Covid vaccine by telling them it is choc-full of good old British sovereignty.

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Elite sport locked down following lengthy VAR review

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After Elite sport was originally allowed to carry on during the latest lockdown, it has been sensationally disallowed after a lengthy VAR review.

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Slow vaccine rollout due to delivery contract being awarded to Hermes

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The slow pace of delivery of covid vaccines has been explained.

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