Health

No-one has the right to tell me what to do with my body, insists anti-vaxxer who says women shouldn’t have right to choose

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A religious anti-vaxxer who is today loudly insisting that no one has the right to tell him what to do with his body, also firmly believes that women should not have the right to choose what they do with their bodies.

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Ozzy Osbourne to release ‘No More Tiers’ to celebrate the end of lockdown

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As various lockdown and tier restrictions are lifted across the UK, Ozzy Osbourne is to release ‘No more tiers’ in recognition of the event.

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Coronavirus reluctantly set to leave Britain as agreed

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The Coronavirus has packed up and is leaving Britain, as agreed, later today. Thus allowing Boris’s Freedom Day to take place and all Covid restrictions to be lifted.

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“NOW how will I cheat on my current wife?”

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Boris Johnson will be self-isolating despite the fact he has fucking about to do.

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Johnson and Sunak begin new ‘do what the f*ck you like’ pilot after being told to isolate

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Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunsk have begun a brand new ‘do what the fuck you like’ pilot today after being told to self-isolate by NHS test and trace.

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Coronavirus self-isolating after contracting dangerous Sajid Javid variant

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Coronavirus is today beginning a period of self-isolating after being diagnosed with the dangerous Sajid Javid variant.

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UK braced for glorious weather, just as everyone in the entire country is told to isolate

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UK temperatures are set to soar this weekend with several days of glorious weather ahead, just as everyone in the country has been told to isolate following a ping on their NHS app or having had children sent home from school.

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Government confirm ‘No more Lockdowns’ as Test & Trace app tells entire country to self-isolate

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UK Government plc has confirmed that there will be no more Covid lockdowns, just as their magnificent Test & Trace app pings literally everyone in the country to lock themselves in their house and not see anyone.

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Starbucks Caramel Frappe to cost £3,000 as new sugar tax unveiled

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A Venti Caramel Frappe from Starbucks could cost up to £3,000 it has been revealed today, as details of a new potential ‘sugar tax’ is unveiled for sales of food and drinks in the UK.

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Heroic anti-masker demonstrates formidable bravery not seen since the Blitz by refusing to wear a mask in Tesco

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Modern-day Churchill and brave freedom fighter Simon Williams has today channelled the Blitz spirit of his forefathers to complete his weekly supermarket shop without wearing a mask.

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