Health

Nation with strict gun-control laws somehow manages ninth successive year with no mass shootings

Thumbnail image for Nation with strict gun-control laws somehow manages ninth successive year with no mass shootings

A country with strict gun control laws has somehow managed to go another year with no mass shootings.

Read the full article →

Don’t put ice lollies into Boris Johnson to cool down, women warned

Thumbnail image for Don’t put ice lollies into Boris Johnson to cool down, women warned

As UK temperatures reached record-breaking highs some women have been so desperate to cool down that they’ve inserted ice lollies into Boris Johnson and other senior Tories.

Read the full article →

Britons finding excuses to hang round in the supermarket freezer aisle

Thumbnail image for Britons finding excuses to hang round in the supermarket freezer aisle

People are finding any excuse to linger in the supermarket freezer aisle for up to several hours at a time, according to reports today.

Read the full article →

Let’s spend more money killing foreigners, says man who killed British people by slashing NHS funding

Thumbnail image for Let’s spend more money killing foreigners, says man who killed British people by slashing NHS funding

Jeremy Hunt has pledged to increase defence spending by £15bn over the next five years, leading many to aks where this desire to invest was hiding when he was Health Secretary?

Read the full article →

Amazon’s Alexa to wait until you have visitors before asking how your haemorrhoids are doing

Thumbnail image for Amazon’s Alexa to wait until you have visitors before asking how your haemorrhoids are doing

A partnership between Amazon and the NHS will see Alexa devices ask you about embarrassing ailments whenever you have company.

Read the full article →

Fears grow for Jeremy Corbyn’s health after he fails to be spotted jogging through London like those other twats

Thumbnail image for Fears grow for Jeremy Corbyn’s health after he fails to be spotted jogging through London like those other twats

Jeremy Corbyn’s life is thought to be hanging in the balance after rumours that he is unable to run a marathon in under two hours thirty.

Read the full article →

There is nothing like drinking a cup of boiling hot liquid to cool you down on a warm day, insist Brits

Thumbnail image for There is nothing like drinking a cup of boiling hot liquid to cool you down on a warm day, insist Brits

The best thing to cool you down in a heatwave is a cup of recently boiled water, it has emerged.

Read the full article →

Drug addict just makes things worse by stealing Warhammer player’s bag

Thumbnail image for Drug addict just makes things worse by stealing Warhammer player’s bag

A man who thought crack was the most addictive thing he’d ever have the misfortune to encounter has just stolen a Warhammer player’s bag, we can report.

Read the full article →

Queen refusing to let Charles have the top job until he ditches all that homeopathy bullshit

Thumbnail image for Queen refusing to let Charles have the top job until he ditches all that homeopathy bullshit

The Queen has insisted she has no intention of abdicating and letting Charles become King until he gives up believing in nonsense like homeopathy.

Read the full article →

Boris painstakingly paints people into his wooden toy buses before sending them off a cliff

Thumbnail image for Boris painstakingly paints people into his wooden toy buses before sending them off a cliff

Boris Johnson has admitted his favourite hobby is painting people inside a homemade bus, giving them names, characters and backstories, before then throwing them all off a cliff.

Read the full article →