Environment

Boris Johnson welcomes COP26 delegates with cheap internal flights to see future coal mine

Delegates arriving in Glasgow to discuss how to combat climate change, will be delighted to take our untaxed internal flights to visit the new coal mines or offshore oil fields we are ploughing money into, says UK government.

Pope to hold urgent meeting with Mother Nature on climate change after God says ‘No’

The Pope is set to hold talks with Mother Nature this week to discuss climate change.

Queen bows out of COP26 after revealing she’s the Stig

The Queen won’t be going to COP26 because she’s a petrolhead who thinks it’s all a load of bollocks.

Government performs further U-turn on willingness to perform U-turns

The government has announced a U-turn in its willingness to perform U-turns, before insisting there will be no more U-turns after their latest U-turn.

Wasps target 60% increase in bastardy during summer

Most popular Springwatch moments to be released on new Blu-ray – ‘Springwatch: Just Shagging’

Missing Springwatch? Recreate your favourite moments at home with our handy unsolicited guide that literally no one is asking for

Conor McGregor announces his annual retirement

Mother Nature spotted laughing her tits off as the notorious prankster creates perfect beer garden weather on four-day weekend

Extinction Rebellion packs it in after clever man points out their phones are made in China

Greta Thunberg and Malala Yousafzai meet up to discuss boys, ponies and make-up

Shark survives attack by New Zealand surfer

Vivaldi’s Four Seasons reduced to Two in light of climate change

Boris to visit flooded areas as soon as he’s finished Pokemon Sword

EU can shove its generous flood defence fund insist Brexiters up to their necks in water

Met Office hoping that £1.2 billion investment in new supercomputer delivers more than ’42’

Thousands of Brits either lose or gain a trampoline

Storm Ciara causing chaos across the nation: is it Meghan’s fault?

‘And what do you do?’ Greta Thunberg asks Prince Charles

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