Environment

Kent man forced to travel to kitchen in search of water

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With drought now officially being declared in several regions of the UK, a man from the already drought affected south east county of Kent has told how he had to make an arduous journey over several metres of carpet and laminate flooring in search of water. 32-year-old Simon Williams from Sittingbourne, made the gruelling trek […]

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Africa planning fundraiser to aid UK’s drought-stricken gardeners

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Africa is to come together to raise awareness and funds for the plight of UK gardeners whose lawns are at risk of looking a bit dishevelled due to the drought currently decimating Britain’s flowerbeds. Footage of dry lifeless grass and middle aged men in corduroy waistcoats wandering aimlessly around garden centres has tugged at the […]

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Supermarkets stop selling Tory governments to prevent bin fires

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Leading UK supermarkets are taking any products off their shelves which are likely to become bin fires – such as disposable barbecues and Conservative governments.

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How about blessing the rains down in England, population asks Toto

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With much of England having seen record low rainfall over the last couple of months, and with another mini heatwave on the way, many citizens have called upon American soft rock band Toto to intervene.

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Hosepipe ban imposed after Southern Water fears it can’t guarantee the smooth dumping of raw sewage

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The unprecedented drought has forced water company Southern Water to impose a hosepipe ban in parts of the country as low river flow threatens the daily discharge of human excrement that is absolutely vital to the ability of shareholders to buy shiny new stuff.

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It’s really difficult to make billions in extra profit after raising prices by 60% for millions of people, insist energy executives

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After British Gas owner Centrica was the latest energy company to announce billion-dollar profits and shareholder dividends, energy executives have been quick to point out just how hard it is to make a profit when you only sell a human necessity and can raise prices by 60% in a year.

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‘I just put in a great performance yesterday’ – Mother Nature smashes her own British record

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Mother Nature has smashed her personal best hottest UK temperature in what pundits are calling a truly sensational personal best performance by the weather maker. 

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Man who dropped his shopping on the pavement discovers he’s cooked dinner

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A man carrying his shopping home has discovered his dinner is cooked after dropping it on the pavement for a few moments.

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No sanction for BBC’s Carol Kirkwood over ‘hot as f*ck’ weather forecast

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The BBC has announced that there will be no punishment for popular weather presenter Carol Kirkwood’s use of the phrase ‘hot as fuck.’

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Wife reluctantly concedes to changing spring duvet to summer duvet

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A wife from Chelmsford, Essex has finally admitted that the time may be right to change from the spring duvet to the summer one.

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