Prime Minister Theresa May has emphatically ruled out the adoption of an Australian-style points-based immigration system in favour of erecting a giant Thunderdome in Essex.
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MP Keith Vaz has invited people to look at the funny squirrel over there this morning.
The mood in the Labour party has taken a turn for the better after the news that Keith Vaz has been nominated to organise the Christmas party.
It is understood that following the remarkably swift canonisation of both Pope Jean-Paul II and now Mother Theresa, the Catholic Church intends to fast track the expected canonisation of music icon Prince so that he could become Saint Prince by Christmas.
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