Entertainment

“Black Hole” picture actually the Eye of Terror, humanity warned

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A photograph of a ‘Black Hole’ released yesterday actually shows the birth of Slaanesh and the opening of the Eye or Terror, humanity has been warned today.

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Ecuador finally sick of Julian Assange’s shit

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Ecuador has finally got as sick of Julian Assange’s shit as everyone else and thrown him out, we can report.

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Things weird, report stand-up comedians

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Stand-up comedians have overwhelmingly concluded that all sorts of different things are weird.

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Shock as Blue Peter reveals new show pet to be a rabid wolf

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The BBC has raised eyebrows after introducing a rabies-riddled wolf as the newest member of the Blue Peter team.

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Man who thought Conor McGregor really retired now looking to buy some magic beans

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A man who genuinely thought Conor McGregor had retired is ‘deeply interested’ in purchasing some magic beans, it has emerged.

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WWE add Jacob Rees-Mogg v Philip Hammond ‘Brexit showdown’ to Wrestlemania

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Two of Britain’s most prominent politicians will finally settle their Brexit differences with a match at next weekend’s Wrestlemania.

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Jon Snow apologises for highlighting the ethnicity of dimwits

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Iconic Channel 4 News presenter Jon Snow found himself being the story this weekend as he briefly alluded to the fact that the collection of thugs, racists, cretins, virulent xenophobes and football hooligans who were applauding career criminal Tommy Robinson happened to be mainly white.

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This is fun, let’s do it some more! Parliament confirms

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Parliament has confirmed that they’re having such a great time with Brexit they’d like to keep right on doing it.

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Avengers: Endgame receives Adult certification due to controversial Ant-Man/Thanos ‘butt’ sequence

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Avengers: Endgame will be rated ‘R’ in the United States and ’18’ in the United Kingdom due to an ‘eye-watering’ sequence in which Ant-Man defeats villain Thanos in an unconventional manner.

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Man more excited by new Rammstein single than his own wedding

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Local metalhead Simon ‘Deathstorm’ Williams is more excited by news of a new Rammstein single tomorrow than he was the night before his own wedding, we can report.

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