Entertainment

John Humphrys finally free to hurl racial abuse at people on the bus

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The veteran broadcaster, who hosted the Today show for 32 years, has written a scathing attack on the BBC left-wing bias that has always stymied his lifelong dream to yell insults at women wearing headscarves on public transport.

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Satire site receives one millionth “I thought this was supposed to be satire” comment on Facebook

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An online satire site has today received its one-millionth comment along the lines of ‘this is not satire’, after it was posted on the site’s Facebook page.

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Woman who turned TV volume down during loud bit now can’t hear what people are saying

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A woman who turned down the volume on the TV during what she described as an ‘unnecessarily loud bit’ is now unable to hear a conversation between two of the characters, according to reports today.

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Netflix confirms production of Avengers spinoff based around entitled posh twats from England

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Boris Johnson was given a boost this morning as Netflix supported his assertion that he was akin to Marvel superhero Hulk and that it had already started filming a TV reboot of the Avengers featuring incredibly privileged snobbish Brits who believe power is their birthright.

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New James Bond film to feature search for golden toilet stolen from Blenheim palace, leaked script reveals

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The script for the forthcoming James Bond film has been leaked, indicates it will focus on a search for the golden toilet stolen from Blenheim. The title will be The Man With The Golden Bog.

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Boris Johnson to play Hulk in ‘Brexiters Assemble’

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Marvel is rebooting its successful superhero franchise with a bunch of old xenophobes.

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Boris Johnson changes pronouns to ‘lying twat’ and ‘bellend’

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Boris Johnson’s pronouns have been officially changed to “lying twat” and “bellend” after he publicly exposed himself as a mendacious spunktruffle.

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Fireman Sam puts people off applying to become firefighters because he’s Welsh, say Fire Chiefs

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Children’s TV icon Fireman Sam is being removed from a fire service’s promotional materials because his overt Welshness discourages potential applicants.

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Judge Dredd asked to settle legality of Prorogation of Parliament

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After a ruling that the Prorogation of Parliament may be unlawful, courts have asked Judge Joseph Dredd to settle the matter once and for all.

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Donald Trump fires Michael Bolton

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Donald Trump has mistakenly fired heavily-permed eighties singer Michael Bolton in a move that is sure to displease the mullahs in Tehran.

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