Entertainment

Piers Morgan tells Tucker Carlson that ‘gormless slimy tosspot’ is a coveted honorific in the UK

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In a tell-all interview on Fox News, Piers Morgan assured America that the UK supported his crusade against Meghan Markle as can be seen by how many people hurl insults and threaten scrotal removal with ill-adapted tools whenever his name is mentioned.

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Stranded sailors terrorised by supernatural, human-like bear

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Two shiploads of sailors caught in the ice whilst searching for the elusive Northern Passage are being stalked and terrorised by a bear which displays uncannily human-like characteristics, according to missives received by the Admiralty today.

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Daily Mail teases readers with fact-based article for April Fools

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Readers of the popular tabloid took to social media to try and ascertain which 1st of April story was a well-researched piece of unbiased reporting hidden among the usual fare of rabble-rousing drivel written by creepy alcoholics.

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Have you had to kiss Steven Seagal as part of a film? You could be entitled to compensation

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More and more women are claiming compensation after having to lock lips with Steven Seagal while acting.

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Piers Morgan breaks his silence after almost 10 full hours not mentioning Meghan

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Piers Morgan has broken his silence today in an exclusive interview with The Mail on fucking Sunday after almost a dozen full hours of not mentioning Meghan or Harry whilst he was asleep.

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Man to recreate experience of cancelled Rammstein concert at home by setting fire to his living room

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Local Heavy Metal fan Simon Williams is to recreate the experience of being at a Rammstein concert at home by setting fire to his living room whilst shouting as loudly as possible, it has emerged.

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2021 Grammy Awards Ceremony enters tenth day – and here is today’s schedule

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Although some of the more prestigious Grammy Awards – Best Mongolian Throat Singing Cover Album, Best Calypso Interpretation of ‘This Land is Your Land,’ Best Beyonce Album – have already been presented, there are still plenty more to come.

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Organised Crime Group infiltrated AC-12 inside Steve Arnott’s beard, reports suggest

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A major Organised Crime Group which has plagued Central Police for upwards of a decade managed to infiltrate the Anti-corruption force by hiding in the unfeasibly bushy beard of Detective Sergeant Steve Arnott, according to reports today.

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Four more weeks at home just enough time to watch Snyder cut of Justice League

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With restrictions keeping people at home set to end next month, audiences have just enough time to watch the Snyder cut of Justice League, but only if they start right now.

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Man who insists cancel culture is ‘a cancer’ also wants Naga Munchetty fired from BBC for ‘liking’ a Tweet

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As news emerged that BBC News presenter Naga Munchetty has apologised for liking a Tweet about the government’s proclivity for flags in the background of interviews, people who have spent the last few years bemoaning cancel culture are calling for her to be sacked.

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