Entertainment

New series of Baywatch to feature David Hasselhoff saving lives by stopping people going to the beach in the first place

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A reboot of the classic early-nineties TV show Baywatch will see David Hasselhoff continuing to save lives, but this time by preventing them from going on the beach in the first place.

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Former Glastonbury attendees embarrassed to discover it was actually all on telly

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People who’ve previously spent vast amounts of money going to the refugee camp with tunes that is Glastonbury are now feeling very silly after finding out they could have just watched it all on TV.

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Prince Andrew in Chernobyl-style meltdown after hugely predictable sweat glands failure

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Prince Andrew is threatening large swathes of Europe with nonce-based material after his sweat glands failed yet again to perform their crucial role.

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Strictly stars to be limited to three affairs as shorter series announced

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The BBC has announced that due to coronavirus Strictly Come Dancing 2020 will be a slightly shorter series to prevent excessive intimate mingling among contestants.

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‘Call the fire brigade, because you’re smoking’ – Emily Maitlis’ new interview technique proves divisive

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Emily Maitlis’ new flirtatious interview technique on Newsnight is proving divisive, with some commentators saying she should return to her traditional, and trademark, tough questioning role.

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Risk-loving adrenaline junkies excited by prospect of cinema pick ‘n’ mix

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People who get a kick out of risking their lives can’t wait for cinemas to reopen so they can fill their boots at the self-service sweet counter.

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Most popular Springwatch moments to be released on new Blu-ray – ‘Springwatch: Just Shagging’

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The BBC has announced that a new Springwatch compilation Blu-ray – ‘Springwatch: Just Shagging’ – will be available in the coming weeks.

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K-pop fans invited to Camp David in hope they’ll allow Donald Trump to hold less embarrassing rallies

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Following a humiliating flop in Tulsa, the Trump campaign has declared that it will formally enter into negotiations with the newest political power player in Washington, teenage aficionados of South Korean pop bands with names like 2NE1 and EXO.

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The only people I would kneel for are the Queen and Daenerys Stormborn, confirms Dominic Raab

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Dominic Raab has insisted that he wouldn’t take the knee for Black Lives Matter, reserving that honour for the Queen and the mother of dragons.

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Missing Springwatch? Recreate your favourite moments at home with our handy unsolicited guide that literally no one is asking for

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TV viewer of a certain age? Missing Springwatch’s trademark marsh-based amateurism? While the latest series has been put out of its misery faster than an errant fox puppy gambolling into Camilla Parker Bowles’ stable, here’s your handy family guide to recreating the magic at home.

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