Entertainment

Huw Edwards has black suit surgically removed

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BBC newsreader Huw Edwards needs surgery to remove his black suit after discovering he’s physically unable to take it off.

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Man’s pathetic little podcast hasn’t overturned a single murder conviction

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A man with a cute little podcast about that thing he likes has never used his platform to help overturn a great injustice, according to people who know about these things.

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“Can we go back to broadcasting Bargain Hunt and all that other shite now?” ask exhausted BBC producers

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The BBC has politely asked today if it’s okay to stick old episodes of Bargain Hunt and all that shite back on, now that we’ve all finished being sad. 

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Man who doesn’t care about the funeral keeps logging in to tell everyone so

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A man who sincerely doesn’t care about the Queen’s funeral has spent all day online telling everyone so.

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Jeremy Beadle completes the ultimate long-game prank by popping out of Queen’s coffin

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Jeremy Beadle has finally completed the prank of all pranks.

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Channel 5 criticised for showing programme about benefit claimants refusing to watch Queen’s funeral during Queen’s funeral

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Channel 5 is being widely criticised today for its decision to show a documentary about benefit claimants who are refusing to watch the Queen’s funeral during the Queen’s funeral.

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‘Call that a queue?’ says man who’s been to Alton Towers in the school holidays

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A man who has actually taken his children to Alton Towers during the school holidays is baffled today that people are calling the short line to see the Queen lying in state ‘a big queue’. 

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Newsreaders really starting to struggle with maintaining constant sombre tone

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It’s day eight of the national mourn-a-thon and one newsreader is now really struggling to maintain the slow cadence and sombre tone required of anyone on television.

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‘Yeah, that queue is a bit too long now’ admit The Proclaimers

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The queue to file past a box containing the remains of a sweet little old lady has now reached such a length that even The Proclaimers are reluctant to join it.

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Mermaids can’t be black insists man whose all-time favourite story stars a middle-eastern man with fair hair and blue eyes

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A man has today insisted that Mermaids can not be black because they live in the sea, despite his own personal favourite story starring a middle-eastern man with fair hair, blue eyes and movie-star looks.

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