Education

Only four more weeks of making shit versions of Forky, parents remind themselves

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Despairing parents are telling themselves that a third of the summer holidays have flown by and they only have to spend another short month sitting at the kitchen table sticking googly eyes onto plastic forks.

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University is where you can just spout off and everyone has to listen, says man who understands nothing about universities

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A man, who labels himself as a free speech advocate, has been making a tit of himself on social media by maintaining that the purpose of universities is to allocate lecture halls to any attention-seeking cretin regardless of how ignorant they are.

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Cambridge withdraws visiting fellowship given to Kermit the Frog

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In a move which has sparked widespread controversy, Cambridge University has announced its intention to withdraw a visiting fellowship given to Kermit the Frog, who had been scheduled to visit the prestigious university later this year.

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Parents who want “confusing” LGBT rights classes banned somehow fine with algebra

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Parents who want classes around LGBT rights stopped on the grounds that they are “confusing” are somehow fine with all of the other confusing shite their children will have hammered into their ears at school.

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Education Secretary tells protesting headteachers it’s their own time they’re wasting

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The Education Secretary, Damian Hinds, has told headteachers that it’s their own time they’re wasting by protesting against education cuts after more than 7,000 headteachers wrote a joint letter to 3.5million families, warning of worsening budget shortages.

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Duran Duran satisfied there is now nothing they should know

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After thirty years of asking if there is ‘something I should know’, Duran Duran have finally accepted that there is nothing.

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1 in 20 Britons believe Anne Frank was a unit of French currency

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Following a survey carried out on Holocaust Memorial Day, at least five per cent of Britons believe Anne Frank was enough to buy you a baguette and some cheese in old French money.

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Outrage as CBeebies’ Mr Tumble teaches children to sign ‘Nazi’

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CBeebies character Mr Tumble is heading for disciplinary action at the BBC after teaching the children watching his show the correct way to call someone a Nazi using sign-language.

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Public schools grateful to media for highlighting how good they are at getting students into Oxbridge

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The top eight public schools in the country are overjoyed that news outlets have decided to show just how much their exorbitant fees are worth it when it comes to getting pupils into Oxford and Cambridge.

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University courses to be shortened to one month of cramming to reduce tuition fees

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Many British universities are to offer ‘fast-tracked’ versions of their courses which consist of just one-month intensive cramming with none of the usual drinking or sleeping.

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