Education

Kids who don’t know how to wash their hands properly expected to stop spread of deadly virus

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All the UK’s kids who are not old enough to properly understand washing your hands properly are to be thrown together in an attempt to stop the spread of a deadly killer disease spread primarily by responsible adults not being able to wash their hands properly.

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Man happy to do ‘PE with Joe’ with his kids after arrival onscreen of former glamour model Mrs Joe Wicks

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A man has drastically dramatically altered his children’s homeschooling timetable today to include PE with Joe all morning, and all afternoon after stumbling across this mornings session demonstrated by Joe Wicks former glamour model wife, Rosie.

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Arseholes making their children wear school uniform at home

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A pair of absolute bellends insist that their kids wear their school uniforms while being homeschooled.

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Parents who didn’t believe in their younger kids watching TV five weeks ago now inching towards 8-hours-a-day of screen time

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Parents who began the coronavirus lockdown safe in their belief that watching television would rot the brains of their progeny are now inching towards sitting their children in front of YouTube for eight hours a day.

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Nigel Farage to teach kids climate change denial for ‘balance’ in BBC Lockdown Learning Scheme

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As a host of celebrities line up to deliver online lessons to UK schoolchildren, the BBC has insisted that Nigel Farage needs to be involved to ensure all perspectives are represented.

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“For f*ck’s sake, I’ll do it” says iPad as it takes over homeschooling responsibilities

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An iPad is so appalled at Mum and Dad’s teaching efforts that it plans to jump in and take the reins.

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OFSTED puts ‘Home School’ into special measures

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The newly fashionable ‘Home School’ is to be immediately placed in special measures, OFSTED have announced today.

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Jacob Rees-Mogg to livestream ‘Latin with Jacob’ every morning at ten

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Jacob Rees Mogg aims to do his bit to improve morale in these troubled times by becoming the ‘nation’s Latin teacher’.

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Parents left exhausted and traumatised after spending hours sorting costumes for World Book Day

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Thousands of parents arrived at work today exhausted, stressed and in tears after spending hours overnight and this morning trying to make their children look better than all those other kids for World Book day.

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Greta Thunberg and Malala Yousafzai meet up to discuss boys, ponies and make-up

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Climate Activist Greta Thunberg yesterday met up with Education Activist Malala Yousafzai.

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