Business

Office worker in Friday afternoon meeting hallucinates boss as giant bottle of wine

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Office worker Sharon Williams has this afternoon repeatedly hallucinated her boss as a giant bottle of Pinot Noir during the weekly team catch-up meeting.

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Genius Elon Musk fails to notice correlation between him tweeting and the collapse of his company’s share price

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Despite being a genius, Elon Musk has failed to notice a correlation between his ever-more berserk tweeting and his company share price going down the can.

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Burglars across Britain busy applying to work as Waitrose delivery drivers

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Following the announcement that Waitrose is to begin offering a service whereby its delivery drivers will access customers’ homes when they are out in order to put their shopping away, the firm has been inundated with applications from former criminals wanting ‘another chance’.

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Amazon to stop hobbling and branding staff

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Amazon chief has announced that the company will be ceasing the controversial practice of hobbling and branding all employees.

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Negotiating Brexit to be the final task on this year’s Apprentice

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One group of clueless idiots will replace another when the negotiation of Britain’s EU divorce settlement is handed over to the finalists of this season’s Apprentice.

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Woman would be happier if her job featured more puppies

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A woman’s job would be greatly improved by several Golden Retriever puppies, she has confirmed today.

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Lidl announce festive Yorkshire puddings the size of a child’s paddling pool

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This year’s battle for oversized festive foods is really heating up, according to reports this morning.

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Fungi producers facing bankruptcy as everybody off mushrooms now

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Some fungi producers have announced that they face bankruptcy as salacious revelations about Donald Trump’s penis has made everyone nauseous at the thought of mushrooms.

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Buying expensive trainers somehow means you should also support your friends’ stupid business ideas

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You’ve bought some nice clothes from a shop, so you should definitely buy some hideous, over-priced clothing designed by one of your friends, according to Facebook this morning.

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Marmite maker’s relocation plan either loved or hated by shareholders

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The decision to move the headquarters of the manufacturers of Marmite has split shareholders into two opposing camps, according to reports.

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