Business

Smokers can’t wait for pubs to reopen so they can spend all night standing outside on their own

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A man is looking forward to finally being able to meet up with friends at the pub in order to go and stand outside on his own to have a smoke.

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Man in pub sitting obediently at safe social distance actually just four pints from hugging strangers at the urinal

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As pubs across the country get ready to reopen under new social distancing guidelines, everyone has been reminded how obedient drunk people are when it comes to sticking to the rules of good behaviour.

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Gary Lineker’s small band of mercenaries sneak Walkers’ crisps out of Leicester

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Gary Lineker is determined that the world should not live without Walkers’ crisps.

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Man breaks personal best by only logging in to amend his online supermarket order 92 times

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An incredibly organised man broken his personal after logging back in to change his online grocery shop on a mere ninety-two occasions.

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Straightforward work question turns into epic email trail involving seventeen people AGAIN

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A seemingly simple work question has taken up half of a company’s resources.

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Wetherspoons keen to hire long-distance runners after Boris announces table service must be used in all pubs

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Wetherspoons has begun hiring long-distance runners and all staff are to begin marathon training from today in order to build up the stamina required to deliver table service to the thirsty hordes at their array of massive pubs across the UK.

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Risk-loving adrenaline junkies excited by prospect of cinema pick ‘n’ mix

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People who get a kick out of risking their lives can’t wait for cinemas to reopen so they can fill their boots at the self-service sweet counter.

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Box manufacturer goes bust after thinking outside the box

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A box manufacturer has gone out of business after a disastrous decision to try thinking outside the box.

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Amazon reports critically low stocks of any old shit

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Online tat merchant Amazon has reported that its stocks of any old shit have reached critically low levels.

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How to monetise your blog by making it a blog about how to monetise a blog

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The best way to successfully monetise your blog is to change the topic of the blog to ‘how to monetise your blog.’

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