Business

QuickQuid on verge of collapse after accidentally borrowing a fiver from itself

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Legitimised loan-shark QuickQuid is on the brink of collapse after someone in the expenses department pressed the wrong button and borrowed a fiver six months ago.

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Sajid Javid woos Leave voters by promising he will be as pig-ignorant of economic reality as they are

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In a bid to hobble the Brexit Party ahead of a General Election, Chancellor of the Exchequer Sajid Javid has publicly declared that he has no intention of assessing any possible impact of his policies as he fully embraced the Brexiter credo of refusing facts and relying on mystical national virtues.

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Mark Zuckerberg insists Facebook is 100% against Fake News, unless it comes from the most powerful people on the planet

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Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg gave a speech yesterday in which he reiterated his company’s mission to fight fake news in all its forms, unless it is published by the people who run every country in the world.

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Thomas Cook boss unable to pay back £500,000 bonus as he’s already spent it all on a week in Majorca during school holidays

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The boss of Thomas Cook can’t pay back his £500,000 bonus, as requested by MPs, as he’s used all of it to take his family to a 3-star hotel in Majorca during half-term.

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Office worker with novelty ringtone universally despised

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A man who appears to think it’s 2003 has chosen to use a novelty ring tone for the mobile he uses in the office, seemingly unaware that it makes him as popular as a dose of the clap.

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German car industry to ride to Brexiters’ rescue any… minute… now…

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After three years and four months, the German car industry is finally ready to ride to the rescue of Brexiters and make sure the EU gives them a good deal.

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New evidence that Karma exists after report finds Leave-voting areas will be hardest hit by no-deal Brexit

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What goes around may indeed come around, according to new research carried out last week.

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Man beats two-hour record at supermarket self-service checkout

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A man has dipped under the two-hour mark for scanning his weekly groceries at a self-service checkout at a Tesco supermarket, it has been confirmed this morning.

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Warning that thousands could starve to death on rail network after food ban

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Commuters who spend up to two weeks stuck on delayed trains waiting for them to arrive at their destination may starve to death after a snacking ban was mooted.

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Release of new £20 note to include pre-rolled version

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The Bank of England has today unveiled the design of the new twenty-pound note, which will come pre-rolled and ready for use by investment bankers and other city-based wankers.

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