Business

Scotland ‘leads the world’ in insult research & design, finds study

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Scotland has a world-beating industry in creating innovative and revolutionary new insults, according to a study published this morning.

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Minestrone resigns from Heinz to form The Independent Soup

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Minestrone has formally left the Heinz soup family.

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Yorkshire on high alert after man spotted buying Quinoa in Doncaster

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People in Yorkshire are warned to be on the lookout after a man was spotted buying Quinoa in Doncaster yesterday.

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Britain warned of Um Bongo shortages in event of hard Brexit

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Essential supplies of Apricot, Guava and Mango are likely to be disrupted in the event of border controls leading to ‘drastic and immediate shortages’ of Um Bongo, Britain has been warned.

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Gucci’s £600 fake second-hand trainers targeted solely at complete f*cking morons

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Gucci has launched a range of £615 trainers with scuffs and stains to give the impression they are second-hand and has been accused of blatantly trying to exploit fucking morons.

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Lower economic growth, tumbling pound and rising inflation were on the other bus, insist Leave campaigners

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As economic growth for 2018 was confirmed as it’s lowest in six years, Leave campaigners have insisted this was all part of the plan.

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Businesses panic at prospect of Chris Grayling in private sector role

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UK CEOs were reported to be ‘extremely concerned’ at the prospect of Chris Grayling leaving government and joining their companies in an advisory role.

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Thatcher memorial under threat as Brexit sees statue factory move overseas

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Plans to erect a statue of Margaret Thatcher could be scrapped along with hundreds of stonemason jobs because Sunderland’s world-renowned Prime Minister statue plant is relocating due to Brexit uncertainty.

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Gucci hoping their range of KKK hoods won’t also be considered racist

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After facing a backlash for their ‘blackface’ style jumper, fashion ‘experts’ at Gucci are hoping that the rest of their line does not come under close scrutiny.

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Major fire at Ocado leads to panic buying of Avocado and Quinoa

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A ‘major fire’ at middle-class grocery delivery outlet Ocado has led to predictions of ‘severe shortages’ of Avocados and Quinoa for at least several days, according to reports.

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