Business

You must go back to commuting to a proper office, insists man whose proper office is in his house

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Chancellor Rishi Sunak is today insisting that workers will likely quit if they are not forced to go back to commuting on the nations crumbling infrastructure to sit in a poorly lit office for eight hours a day, instead of being allowed to work from home.

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Man who spent his life unaccepted by society to spend his death being unaccepted by most shopkeepers

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Codebreaker extraordinaire Alan Turing is set to be featured on the new £50 note from June this year, in an effort by the Bank of England to ‘properly and accurately memorialise’ a man worth a great deal but ultimately rejected by the establishment.

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Tradesman admits embarrassing mistake after turning up to customers house exactly when he said he would

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A tradesman has been forced to admit an embarrassing blunder today after he mistakenly turned up to quote work for a customer at exactly the time that he said he would.

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Loathsome lefty pricks succeed in forcing hard-working Uber drivers to accept better pay and working conditions

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Meddling lefty bastards have taken virtue signalling to new levels by forcing hard-working Uber drivers to accept better pay and working conditions, even if they don’t want them.

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Carveries start putting food under the lights in preparation for reopening next month

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Britain’s carveries have started putting lovely, fresh-cooked meat and vegetables under the lights so they’ll be good and solid when they re-open in a months’ time.

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Ten libellous statements about Mark Zuckerberg that he’ll never see as his algorithms have crippled satire

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We can write whatever we like as only about five people will end up reading this article thanks to Facebook’s algorithms, it has emerged.

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Supermarkets prepare for back-to-school Monday with 3-for-2 on “Mummy’s special Ribena”

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Supermarkets will be there for you to get on the sesh from 8am on Monday.

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Shock as internal documents reveal Pontins thinks it’s in a position to be picky

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The nation was stunned as a leaked memo showed that the holiday camp company Pontins, affectionately known as the Prison Where You Pay, forgot it was a moribund company with the same life span as its senescent clients and could somehow afford to discriminate.

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Wine industry devastated as schools set to reopen

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Global wine markets are set to collapse almost overnight as homeschooling parents begin to step away from alcohol dependency.

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Netflix membership fees to increase by 50p for each household sharing the account

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Netflix membership fees are set to increase by £2 per month from March for a premium account, equating to an inflation-busting 50p per household for the usual four households all sharing the same account.

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