Business

Nigel Farage blames petrol chaos on ‘workshy EU migrants staying over there not taking our jobs’

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After visiting seven petrol stations in the desperate search for fuel, Nigel Farage has blamed the petrol chaos on lazy EU migrants who are determined to stay in their own countries doing jobs they enjoy for people who like them.

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Man admits furlough was highlight of his career

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A man has acknowledged that his career will no longer be fulfilling now that the furlough scheme has ended.

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Amazon’s new ‘Astro’ household robot caught fiddling his own tax returns

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Amazon’s newly released Astro household robot has been caught trying to avoid paying tax on his earnings in his first week of employment it is revealed today. Astro, which has been unveiled by Amazon this week to provide assistance to its owners using Amazon Alexa’s virtual assistant technology was spotted fiddling his tax returns earlier […]

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Major rail incident declared as Huey Lewis found riding train without credit card

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British Transport Police were called upon earlier today to resolve a dispute involving rock legend Huey Lewis.

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We’ll happily sell fuel to people who win fights, confirm petrol stations

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The fuel industry has confirmed that violence is definitely the best way to procure petrol for your vehicle.

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Government proposes a ‘clap for lorry drivers’ to ease delivery crisis

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Transport Secretary Grant Shapps has proposed a regular ‘clap for lorry drivers’ to thank them for their hard work making deliveries.

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Switching the heating on now is like handing victory to the Russians, insist male UK tight-arses

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People across Britain experiencing the first autumn chills have discovered a new obstacle to putting the heating on this morning.

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Chris Grayling to return as Transport Secretary to sort this shit out

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With the haulage and fuel industries in crisis, Boris Johnson is rolling out the big guns to sort everything out – Chris Grayling is back.

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Government unveils ‘guaranteed to work’ petrol track & trace app to beat fuel crisis

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A government smartphone app to monitor petrol availability and allocate refuelling appointments has been unveiled this morning, as queues to petrol stations continue to grow.

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“Look at all these idiots panic buying” mutters every single person in petrol queue

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Nobody in that massive queue for petrol is panic buying, but everyone else in the queue definitely is, according to reports this afternoon.

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