Business

Twitter adds vital new ‘report spoiler’ function ahead of Avengers: Endgame release

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Twitter is to increase support for its users by adding what it describes as ‘vital’ new functionality ahead of the release of Avengers: Endgame.

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“You can have plastic straws if we can hammer one up your nostril and leave the rest in your house”

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McDonald’s are willing to compromise on their straws.

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Yorkshire celebrating Easter two days late now that chocolate eggs are half price

Thumbnail image for Yorkshire celebrating Easter two days late now that chocolate eggs are half price

Yorkshire is to celebrate Easter two days late to take advantage of 50% off deals on chocolate eggs.

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Crossrail workers mistaken for transport disruption protestors

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Many Crossrail engineers have been arrested after being mistaken for protestors attempting to disrupt transport and cause lengthy delays in London.

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Co-op becomes first supermarket to bake gingerbread men without genitals

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The Co-operative supermarket has become the first chain to sell gingerbread men that aren’t 100% anatomically accurate, stunning fellow retailers and customers.

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Criminalisation of upskirting means Daily Mail unable to print any more photos of female celebrities

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New upskirting laws mean the Daily Mail may no longer be allowed to print carefully-angled paparazzi photographs of B-list female celebrities getting out of their car, lawyers have warned.

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Philip Green lookalike seen ‘licking lips’ at Debenhams’ pension scheme

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Reports have been made that a man who looked a lot like ‘entrepreneur’ ‘Sir’ Philip Green has been allegedly licking his lips whilst staring at the Debenhams pension scheme.

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Avengers: Endgame receives Adult certification due to controversial Ant-Man/Thanos ‘butt’ sequence

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Avengers: Endgame will be rated ‘R’ in the United States and ’18’ in the United Kingdom due to an ‘eye-watering’ sequence in which Ant-Man defeats villain Thanos in an unconventional manner.

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Industry panic at realisation Theresa May will soon be looking for a real job

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The initial delight and relief across industry that Theresa May would be quitting as Prime Minister has been replaced by concern and worry as the realisation hits home that she will soon be looking for a job.

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The actress who plays me has wonderful tax lawyers, reveals Lorraine kelly

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Television’s Lorraine Kelly has revealed that the actor who plays her on television – coincidentally also called Lorraine Kelly – is lucky to have such talented tax lawyers in her employ.

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