Business

Schools reopening sees ‘working from home’ become pleasant again

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The ability to respond to a few emails while watching TV is once again an available option for home workers who have been surrounded by screaming children for what feels like the last six years.

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Right-wing comedians suddenly big fans of positive discrimination

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After news that the BBC is considering broadcasting less ‘left-wing’ comedy, right-wing comedians have suddenly agreed that positive discrimination is a very good thing indeed.

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Employees encouraged to cram back into offices so Starbucks can carry on avoiding tax

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Britain’s workers are being encouraged to go back to their offices so that overpriced coffee granule-wetter Starbucks can carry on generating profits upon which they subsequently avoid tax.

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Government responsible for worst COVID-19 death toll in Europe perplexed that people not keen to go back to offices

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The politicians whose callousness and/or ineptitude have led Brits to be more at risk of dying from COVID-19 than Eritreans are asking experts to solve the mystery of why workers seem reluctant to gamble with their lives just to save their local branch of Pret.

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When I get to $300bn I will let my warehouse employees have hassle-free toilet breaks, insists Jeff Bezos

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Amazon boss Jeff Bezos has celebrated becoming the first man to be worth $200bn by telling everyone that he is now just $100bn away from having enough money that his employees will be free to take a piss without the immediate pressure of returning to work.

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Amazon offers option to pre-report lost parcel if delivery assigned to Hermes

Amazon hermes deliveries to be pre-lost

Amazon will now offer customers the chance to pre-report a lost parcel if the delivery has been assigned to Hermes.

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Cancel culture is a cancer, insist Republicans calling on everyone to ditch Goodyear tyres

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Cancel culture is a cancer on society and needs to stop so people can be free to say what they like, according to Trump supporters calling for everyone to boycott Goodyear tyres this morning.

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Yeah, well, Ben & Jerry’s is overpriced, insists government that spent £150m on facemasks that don’t work

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After ice-cream manufacturer Ben & Jerry’s chose to draw the Home Secretary’s attention to a few inconvenient facts about refugees and asylum seekers, government ministers decided the best way to refute their argument is by saying ice-cream is expensive.

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Wetherspoons launches Enoch & Nigel’s Ice Cream as patriotic alternative to Ben & Jerry’s

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Talking troll doll Tim Martin has stepped into the Home Office’s online squabble with ice-cream makers Ben and Jerry’s, over whether or not boat migrants have souls, by creating rival offerings such as Sovereign Strawberry Swirl and Go Home Ganache.

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Everyone shocked that organisation which exists solely to promote weapons is run by crooks

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Everyone has been left shocked today after the New York attorney general sued to dissolved the NRA, with revelations that an organisation that exists solely to promote weapons of murder was actually run by crooks.

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