Business

‘Business Interruption Insurance’ doesn’t cover your business being interrupted, confirm insurance companies

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Insurance companies have been quick to point out that having business interruption insurance doesn’t mean you’re going to get a payout when your business gets interrupted.

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Majority of people still not saving enough pornography for retirement

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There is a growing concern that the majority of people are still not saving enough pornography to see them through retirement.

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Supermarkets to impose a limit on mass gatherings of people taking pictures of empty toilet roll shelves

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Tesco and Morrisons have become the first supermarkets in the UK to impose a limit on the number of people allowed to gather taking photos of empty shelves in an attempt to limit the spread of coronavirus.

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Man delighted by email from Nigerian Prince about inheriting 25 million toilet rolls

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Local man Simon Williams has inherited 25 million toilet rolls off a Nigerian Prince, according to an email he’s just received.

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Train stopping a metre and a half further down the platform ruins everyone’s day

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An entire platform full of people had their day ruined when a train came to a stop a metre and a half further down the platform than it usually does.

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Somali pirates hijack tanker laden with two million barrels of sanitiser gel

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Somali pirates have attacked a tanker carrying two million barrels of the most valuable cargo in the world today, hand sanitiser.

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Fuel companies thinking of cutting the price of petrol by 1p after oil price halves

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Turmoil in the international markets overnight has left the price of oil half what is was two months ago – resulting in leading fuel companies thinking about knocking a penny of the price of petrol.

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Experts claim that Coronavirus can be prevented by reading NewsThump

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Experts are today insisting that Coronavirus cannot infect people who read NewsThump, and we’re happy saying that because apparently people will believe any old rubbish.

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Woman uses ‘stockpiling’ as an excuse to buy all the easter eggs in the shop

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37-year-old Simone Williams has cleared the shelves of Malteser and Galaxy easter eggs as part of her ‘stockpiling for Coronavirus’.

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Man dusts off his old Breaking Bad Halloween costume for quick trip to supermarket

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A moron has decided to wear his Breaking Bad Halloween costume for a trip to Sainsbury’s, having made the desperate mistake of getting health advice from Facebook.

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