Business

HGV drivers must work longer hours to fix the Brexit problems we created, insists government

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The post-Brexit shortage of HGV drivers can be solved by putting over-worked and tired drivers behind the wheel of a 40-tonne vehicle for longer than was previously claimed as safe, according to the government today.

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If you ignore the massive government bribe, Nissan staying in the UK is a great Brexit story, insists Brexiter

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Nissan has announced plans to invest further in the northeast and to develop a battery production facility, in a move Brexiters are hailing as a huge boost for Brexit Britain if you just ignore the huge sums of taxpayer money the government gave them to stay.

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Homeworker, fuming after receiving invite for online Teams meeting, at 4:30pm… TODAY

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A homeworker is completely shocked and angry this morning after just receiving an invite to an online Teams meeting for work, at 4:30pm, TODAY, of all fucking days.

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Proud and patriotic Brexit supporters excited by new opportunity to pay more for their mobile bills

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Proud Brexit supporters are today hailing the opportunity to pay more for their mobile bills when using them abroad, after years of meddling eurocrats needlessly securing them cheaper mobile rates throughout the EU.

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Travel firms desperate to learn to which countries they can drastically increase the cost of holidays

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Travel companies are desperately waiting for news today of the countries to which they can drastically increase the price for a holiday the very instant that they are placed on the green list for travel.

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Heroic freedom fighter strikes blow against tyranny by lying to shop assistants

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Fearless defender of the rights of the common man Simon Williams has struck a blow against totalitarian government by lying to the lady behind the till at his local Tesco this morning.

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Survey finds 50% of men lie about watching porn

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After a new survey found 50% of men watch pornography from time to time, the nation wonders if the 50% who answered ‘no’ were in earshot of their partner at the time.

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Brewdog release new ‘Stop Complaining or You’re F*cking Sacked’ IPA

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Brewdog has released a new beer entitled ‘Stop Complaining or You’re Fucking Sacked’ today as part of their new campaign to address staff morale.

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Acting unlawfully is a bad thing to do, unless it enriches your friends, confirm Tories

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Michael Gove has today clarified the government’s position on ‘acting unlawfully’, insisting it is a bad thing unless it is done to enrich the friends, family or indeed political donors.

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‘Bloody foreigners, staying over there avoiding our jobs’ bemoans Wetherspoons’ Tim Martin

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Wetherspoons boss Tim Martin has today criticised the EU for raising a load of workshy fops unwilling to come over here and pull pints for decent British patriots.

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