EntertainmentSocietyUKMan bitterly disappointed with Line of Duty finale settles down to start six seasons of Lost
BrexitPoliticsUKSight of new £200m Royal Yacht will cheer up all the fishermen devastated by Brexit, says Boris
PoliticsUKBoris Johnson reluctant to change his phone number after remembering how many women he’s given it to
EntertainmentUKThe NewsThump guide to staying sober enough this bank holiday weekend to understand the Line of Duty finale
PoliticsSocietyUKNurse delighted to learn pay rise is almost an entire roll of Downing Street wallpaper
PoliticsUKArlene Foster’s resignation shatters internal DUP alliance between demented homophobes and sectarian nutters
PoliticsUKTory sleaze leaves Labour worried about how to secure their traditional humiliating loss in upcoming local elections
BusinessPoliticsTechnologyAudi and BMW in desperate battle to release most arrogant self-driving vehicle
SportsUKRyan Giggs cleared of assault after brother Rhodri provides flawless character reference and alibi
PoliticsUK“Actually, I said I would rather see bodies pile high than pay for my flat to be renovated” clarifies Boris
SocietySportsTechnologyUKSocial media trolls bravely defy Premier League boycott to remain unlikeable cretinous arseholes
PoliticsUKEx-Special Advisor with well-documented eyesight problems can apparently see everything wrong with government
HealthSocietyUKLockdown protester refusing to wear face mask will be quite happy wearing one in intensive care next month
BusinessSocietyUK‘We shouldn’t have to work today, it’s a disgrace’ says man sat in garden occasionally moving his laptop mouse
SocietyUKDaily Express wanks itself dry as Princess Diana’s grandson celebrates birthday on Saint George’s Day