BusinessUKWorldSwitching the heating on now is like handing victory to the Russians, insist male UK tight-arses
BrexitPoliticsUKGovernment insists the Army will just be there to help people celebrate all the post-Brexit winning
EntertainmentSocietyUK‘Maybe, I DO really want to know how your garden grows,’ says hypocrite horticulturalist Noel
BusinessPoliticsTechnologyGovernment unveils ‘guaranteed to work’ petrol track & trace app to beat fuel crisis
BrexitPoliticsUK‘Brexit going really well actually’ insists government with no fuel, energy, food, workers, border control or trade deals
BusinessSocietyUKMan panic-buying toilet rolls for third time in a year providing helpful new definition of ‘insanity’
BusinessSocietyUK‘I’m not Christmas panic buying’ insists man with large turkey, pigs in blankets, sprouts, Quality Street and three bottles of Baileys
BrexitBusinessUKSwear jar installed in BBC newsroom to punish staff for using the word ‘Brexit’ in a negative context
EducationSocietyUK‘I was in a rush so I’m allowed’ says absolute arsehole parking on double yellows outside school
PoliticsUKBoris announces plans to build a series of moving platforms as part of his ‘levelling up’ agenda
PoliticsWorldRussian elections completely fair and above board, says last surviving international observer
SocietyUKMan postpones illness until next month after successfully securing doctor’s appointment in four and a half weeks
PoliticsUKWorldUS and UK hope to make up for Afghanistan debacle with strong performance in next month’s war against France
