BusinessEntertainmentNew edition of Warhammer 40,000 launched ten minutes after fans finish paying off their credit cards from the last one
EntertainmentUKWorldKing Charles ends German visit with a 15-hour stroll through the Berlin club scene
EnvironmentPoliticsTechnologyUKGovernment’s new carbon-capture plan includes everyone filling their pockets with carbon
BusinessScienceTechnologyWorldThere is no need to pause the development of AI tools, insists businessman looking remarkably like a T-800
EntertainmentSocietyTechnologyUKNew VR game allows women and minority groups to enjoy white male privilege
PoliticsWorldUS Supreme Court to finally restrict Second Amendment gun rights after school shootings repositioned as ‘470-week abortions’
EntertainmentSportsUKSoccer AM to be axed by Sky, years after everyone thought it had been axed by Sky
BusinessPoliticsUKWhich Tory MP should YOU buy? NewsThump’s guide to the best corrupt Conservatives for every budget
SocietyUKMan who enjoys telling people ‘if you don’t like it, leave!’ furious when migrants take that exact advice to come here
EntertainmentPoliticsUKGB News is not a news channel, but a ‘fatuous entertainment channel for dimwitted imbeciles’ confirms Ofcom
BusinessSportsUKAntonio Conte shatters the dream that it’s possible to call everyone you work with ‘totally shit’ and still keep your job
HealthPoliticsUKYoungsters should ditch nitrous and snort gak off a toilet seat like normal people, insists Michael Gove
EntertainmentUKAnnoying pillock thinks it’s acceptable to go to a wedding dressed like he’s in Peaky Blinders