NewsThump

Serbia retaliates against Novak Djokovic deportation by expelling two kangaroos from Belgrade zoo

Where is all the cheese and wine? asks Christian Wakeford at first Labour meeting

Grateful nation forgives Boris Johnson after he decides to end pandemic

Boris Johnson untroubled by MP’s defection as he’d always assumed ‘Bury South’ was a euphemism for sex

Estate agents condemn Boris Johnson for giving liars a bad name

Raccoon City residents protest restrictions to prevent spread of T-Virus

NewsThump presents the hot new word game – Thora Hird-le

Lateral flow tests now more difficult to find than Rishi Sunak

Reprieve for Boris Johnson as Supreme Court rules you CAN break laws if you don’t know about them

Nobody told me keeping my mother’s corpse in the cellar and murdering guests was against the rules, insists Norman Bates

Nobody told me it was against the rules, insists Prince Andrew

‘Crush them!’ Nation screams at Sue Gray as she holds Boris Johnson’s testicles

Man who lied to parliament condemned by man who lied to nation

The BBC can save a bit of money by ditching Songs Of Praise, agrees nation

Sue Gray’s interview of Boris Johnson disrupted by loud music and disco lighting

Nadine Dorries proudly brings a big dog she saved to Downing Street

Social media addictions cured by timelines becoming 100% Wordle

BBC averts Licence Fee freeze after commissioning several shows based on Nadine Dorries’ books

Conservative party gives Boris Johnson yet another last chance

Nigel Farage furious as nation exerts its sovereign powers to decide who can cross its borders

Scientists discover positive correlation between proximity to Boris Johnson and daily alcohol consumption

Queen torn between accepting government’s apology and just having the lot of them beheaded

Policeman on door of 10 Downing Street replaced by bouncers

‘Suitcase full of wine’ wins award for most unexpected item in bagging area

He’s not the dishonest xenophobic populist I used to believe in, laments Andrew Bridgen

Boris Johnson replaces 1922 Committee with 18-30 Committee

Kanye West to replace Prince Andrew as ninth in line to the throne

Prince Andrew to retain title of Mummy’s Special Little Soldier

Charlie Sheen admits quitting Tories in Summer 2020 because they were ‘too hardcore’

Prince Andrew expelled from Pizza Express Club

Newsthump Digest