BusinessTechnologyWorldOnlyFans subscribers now at a complete loss as to where to find pornography on the Internet
BusinessTechnologyUKOnlyFans CEO only person on Earth to believe married men who say they subscribe for the cultural content
PoliticsUKMan who wrote book calling Brits ‘the worst idlers in the world’ couldn’t be bothered to phone Afghan government
SocietyTechnologyUKCyclist repeatedly fails Captcha test after failing to identify images with traffic lights
HealthUKWorld‘The Afghans should have been braver to protect their people’, insists man too scared to get a jab to protect UK’s people
PoliticsUKPriti Patel pens scathing attack on Taliban for setting back by years her dream of a white Britain
BusinessSocietyUKWoman enters frantic second hour searching for ‘money off’ coupon at supermarket checkout
BrexitBusinessUKNando’s introduce ‘All the chicken you can eat’ option across Europe due to excellent supply chain
PoliticsWorldTaliban busy writing ‘Thank You’ cards for all the lovely military gifts left for them by the US
SocietyTechnologyUKWise Internet sage transitions seamlessly from expertise in epidemiology to expertise in Afghan geopolitics
UKExhausted Dominic Raab wearily begins grim task of completing TripAdvisor reviews about his lovely holiday
SocietyUK‘Absolute idiots undertaking on a motorway’ says man driving at 55mph in middle lane for two hours
PoliticsWorldMan determined not to let complete lack of knowledge on Afghanistan situation stop him giving his opinion
UKTaliban leader personally thanks Donald Trump for getting him out of prison and making his dream of an Afghanistan caliphate a reality
EntertainmentSportsUKFantasy football fans excited to watch every single one of their players suddenly become absolutely shit
PoliticsSocietyUKMurder designed to terrorise not actually terrorism if murderer is white, confirm Police