EntertainmentEnvironmentUKSir David Attenborough finally ready to retire after seeing every living species have a shag
PoliticsSocietyUKI never thought I was corrupt until Boris Johnson insisted I wasn’t, says UK resident
EnvironmentPoliticsUKZero emissions deadline set for when everyone accountable will be comfortably dead
SocietyUKOPINION: Hunt members should be congratulated for steering their bloodlust away from tearing apart foxes to merely punching horses
BusinessPoliticsUKTax-dodging rich pricks shocked to discover many of their advisors moonlight as British MPs
BusinessSocietyTechnologyUKAll the best investment opportunities use spam and fake social media profiles for promotion, insist crypto gurus
SocietyUKMan rescued from cave after two days looking forward to relaxing at home, in his tiny cramped cellar
SocietyUKMan rules out perfectly acceptable holiday destination after TripAdvisor review claims toast was slightly overcooked
SocietyUKPatriotic couple treated for minor injuries after man pins Remembrance poppy to condom mid-intercourse
EntertainmentSocietyTechnologyOutrage as woke, antifa Call of Duty game demands that you literally kill Nazis
EnvironmentUKWorldCOP26 delegates reach historic agreement to turn that bloody light off if you’re not in there
BusinessEntertainmentPoliticsUKPriti Patel begins process of deporting alien seen on John Lewis advert
EnvironmentUKNation relieved that urgent climate emergency being addressed by worst possible person at worst possible time
PoliticsUKIt’s time to review MP Code of Conduct rules now one of ours has broken them, insist Tories
SportsCristiano Ronaldo emerges for training utterly exhausted after night spent practising goal celebration in mirror