NewsThump

Nadine Dorries accidentally buys “Ron’s Bargain Motors” after submitting dealership bid

Liz Truss launches Tory leadership bid by promising to cut taxis

Priti Patel crawls out of television set during her leadership campaign video

Priti Patel still undecided whether to use Union flags or just swastikas in her leadership bid video

“Vegans never shut up about it!” insists man who has instagrammed every steak he’s ever eaten

Keyser Soze, Biff Tannen, Megatron, Satan, and Gripper Stebson all confirm Tory leadership bids

New Education Minister Andrea Jenkyns caught smoking behind Parliament bike sheds

I can fix the economy, insists man who got the economy into this mess in the first place

Right-wing fury as Durham Police legalise curry

‘I’ve no idea where this Ferrari stuffed with cash on my driveway came from’ insists judge clearing Platini and Blatter of fraud

Ten Shades of Shit. The official NewsThump guide to the Tory leadership candidates

Shakin’ Stevens’ Ole House condemned

Boris eyes lucrative new career as after dinner liar

‘I’ll eat anything!’ soon to be unemployed Nadine Dorries tells TV producers

All of this somehow Remoaners fault

Boris Johnson pretty confident everyone will have forgotten about this whole ‘resigning’ thing by September

New Worst Prime Minister in History set to be in place by Autumn

Boris Johnson to resign so he can spend more time with other people’s families

Boris Johnson to be put in Bagpuss’ shop window along with all the other lost and broken things nobody wants any more

Impromptu work events break out across the country

Satirists can’t f*cking type quickly enough

Opinion: As a close personal friend of Boris Johnson for more than twenty years, I am shocked to suddenly discover what he’s like

BREAKING: Loads of mad shit!

Concern no one currently levelling anything up

Boris Johnson reveals new look after flatly refusing to accept his time in office is over

Rick Astley gives up on Boris Johnson

“Can I go back to being a Non-Dom now?” asks Rishi Sunak’s wife

Wild celebrations at Downing Street as no-one resigns from government in almost an hour

Microsoft unveils “Resign from the Conservative government” Word template

Nadine Dorries promoted to Downing Street Cat following shock resignation of Larry

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