NewsThump

French beekeepers to protest against ‘no veils in workplace’ law

Sky Sports unveils Gary Neville limited-edition remote control

It’s the UK Retail banks that need protecting, insist front-line NHS nurses

Man who shouted ‘Get in the Hole’ at Masters badly beaten by angry mob

New research links alcohol to having a good time

Earth’s dwindling reserves of tat ‘at risk’ from Royal wedding

Slight weather improvement to encourage morons to create weekend traffic chaos

Grand National organisers to end cruelty by destroying horses before race

Tomlinson stance ‘threateningly upright,’ inquest told

Police smash lawnmower porn ring

Channel 5 to relaunch Big Brother without the cultural refinement

Long-haul pilot power-naps still being interrupted by pesky warning lights, finds survey

Pre-pregnancy genetic tests could call time on bald people, claim critics

Killing Bono audience left disappointed by lack of Bono killing

Japanese Tsunami dog reunited with owner declared ‘delicious’

Clegg wages war on reason he has a job

Sunday Sport to relaunch in Braille

We’d be total shits if it wasn’t for Jesus, admit Christians

Rooney charged with using 60% of his vocabulary in a single outburst

We’ve already learnt the hard way, claims entire Scout movement

Stamps finally worth counterfeiting

Kids are shits, finds survey

Fulham owner Al-Fayed unveils statue of Lou Diamond Phillips

We’re not forcing the disabled to work, we’re forcing them onto Jobseekers allowance, reveals government

Nick Clegg tops April Fools poll after pretending to keep a pre-election promise

Newsthump Digest