NewsThump

As economic confidence plummets, Google removes ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’ button

Civil servants manning borders ‘may not be obnoxious enough’

Pardoned thanksgiving turkey should face death penalty, insist Republicans

Council workers rifling through rubbish again, says Daily Mail

Facebook study shows entire user base just one degree of separation from a moron

Government to boost UK workers’ morale with cake bake

Andrew Lansley defends product placement in hospital wards

Democracy can still leave you with a government no-one voted for, UK electorate warn Egyptians

Ofcom forced to remind people that X Factor is actually one long advert

US students to study ‘pepper spray cops’ for signs of intelligence

Heathrow chaos blamed on first supernatural fog of the season

Andres Villas-Boas still on target for ‘ex-Chelsea boss’ title

Vatican to sue over image of top priest kissing a grown adult

Doctors to make tissues and Lucozade available on prescription

Only MPs and drug dealers are opposed to the decriminalisation of drugs, reveals everyone

Sepp Blatter sets out to shake hands with all the black people

Nick Knowles fails to calm A&E department with massive cut-out of himself

Unemployment figures show sharp increase in government blaming everyone else

Peak broadband time revealed as one hour after wife has gone to bed

Surprise at Brodie Clark’s surprise at Theresa May’s ignorance

Birmingham man offers youngsters ‘ultimate Michael Jackson experience’

Drug addicts defend right to take drugs in cars

Tesco apologises after salad leaf found in packet of dead bird

Thousands of angry male Facebook users left unaffected by porn virus

Drug seizure figures reclassified as ‘controlled substances’ after widespread Home Office abuse

Terry cleared to play all-white Sweden

Downing Street cat blames previous Labour government’s rodent policy

Nuclear warheads to protect Olympic village, claims Hammond

Food poisoning provides authentic Indian holiday experience, insists Loyd Grossman

Facebook to ask permission before tattooing people as they sleep

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