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England to seek referendum on independence from Westminster

Felix Baumgartner’s next challenge will be to drink eight Red Bulls in one evening

Everyone in Europe adding ‘Nobel Prize Winner’ to their CV

Stoke Mandeville: Jimmy Savile performed complex surgery on underage girls

Scotland to join space race after discovery of planet made solely from Diamond White

Don’t look at the wheelchair, look at the scrounger sat in it, David Cameron tells nation

Lance Armstrong launches ‘Livestrong’ yellow rubber tourniquet

Making the poor more obvious will boost nation’s sense of privilege, claims Cameron

Belief in Lance Armstrong to qualify for religious status

Lord Carey somehow mistaking ‘religious persecution’ with ‘not getting his own way’

Fire Brigade wins top equality award after laying off diverse mix of staff

England team’s Code of Conduct to become world’s longest book

We’ve always preferred guitar bands, confirm Battersea Park squirrels

Elderly couple unwittingly develop crystal meth lab

No, you can’t use ‘all reasonable force’ to protect your benefits, clarifies government

Nation’s workers excited to retain financial ties to companies that sacked them

Nation develops amazing power to root out dead paedophiles

FA should ban players who fall over before we can kick them, claims Stoke’s Pulis

Thora forced us to listen to smutty limericks claim ‘Praise Be!’ researchers

Newcastle Wonga shirts to cost £2,520 if fans pay for them at end of season

Kay Burley to undertake ‘how to act like a goddamn human being’ training

BBC ‘complicit’ in 1980s self-abuse among male Blue Peter viewers

Norwich City’s Grant Holt urged to watch a few videos of Norwich City’s Grant Holt

‘Oh, that’s what you meant by ‘fixed’ contract’ say Vodafone customers

EXCLUSIVE: FirstGroup West Coast tender leaked

David Blaine announces daring plan to listen to Ed Miliband speech ‘in its entirey’

BBC Executives admit they knew DJ Moyles ‘was shit’

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