NewsThump

New requirements to insist teachers be at least as bright as pupils

No, give the government the fake details, advises Facebook official

Anti-doping campaigners demand Keith Richards’ removal from Rolling Stones record book

Republicans to rebrand rape as a ‘God Hug’

Donald Trump offers to fund cancer cure in return for Barack Obama lap dance

Thieves still failing to target Tom Daley’s bronze medal

BBC introduces ‘traffic light’ labelling for DJs

Superman quits Daily Planet over phone-hacking scandal

Prisoners demand right to not vote

Food labelling to be targeted at simpletons

Can we skip to the bit where Piers Morgan goes to prison, asks everyone

Phone call app translator set to revolutionise communications with Geordies

Apple to release four foot iPad

Cameron announces plan to make life in prison as awful as life outside prison

Global racism to be eradicated by everyone wearing No To Racism t-shirts

Commissioner Gordon launches election campaign with pamphlets, big Batman lamp

Fury as record-breaking racehorse Frankel is sold into sex slavery

George Osborne to stick to horse-drawn carriages

Leeds fan eagerly awaiting results of Mensa application

Nick Griffin loses game of hide and seek after attempting to hide behind silent majority

Man whose protest interrupted Eton croquet match sentenced to death

Your right to discriminate is being discriminated against, warns Nick Griffin

Drinking Starbucks in public to become the new ‘defending Jimmy Savile’

Criminals commended for adhering to working time directive

British Gas release Hibernation advice

Compensation for lack of football during England games could ‘go back decades’

Football fans urged to ‘shop around’ for cheaper clubs to support

England players provoked crowd taunts by being black, claims Serbian FA

Belief in creationism ‘form of mental illness’

Serbia puts aside pocket money for UEFA racism fine

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