NewsThump

Tories accidentally ban themselves under new anti-extremism laws

Olly Murs to present ITV Strike Xtra tomorrow on ITV2

Kay Burley becomes self-aware

Johnny Depp now completely shit

Labour leadership battle to be decided in ‘trial by combat’

Legalise Cannabis Party finally responds to election result

Nobodies enter house no-one cares about to do nothing of importance

Cameron to introduce Inequalities Minister to protect the rights of bigots

ISIS claims responsibility for severe delays and tailbacks on the A14

You need 40% of the vote for strike action, insists government who got 24% of the vote

England cricket team to focus on world of competitively trustworthy changing rooms

Pope admits defeat after three-day attempted exorcism of Katie Hopkins

Millions of closet Tories to come out in UK’s first Greed Pride march

New Indiana Jones film to feature search for the missing Labour Pledge Stone

Nigel Farage takes job back to prevent immigrant from stealing it

Lord Sugar resigns support of Tottenham Hotspur

Sooty to run for leadership of Labour party

YouGov defends poll which showed Liverpool as clear Premier League winners

Screaming toddler tells George Galloway to ‘grow up’

Soho to be preserved as a porn heritage site

Russell Brand resigns as Russell Brand

Cameron urges UK to unite against the poor

Everyone thick as pig shit

Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg to open bakery together

High-earning office liberal suspiciously quiet today

Cameron rushed to hospital with chronic smugness

David Cameron thanks his election-winning team of Ed Miliband and Alex Salmond

Black market tickets reach £1500 to see Paddy Ashdown eat his hat

Ed Miliband convinced there was something important he was supposed to do today

Jeremy Vine already tripping his tits off

Newsthump Digest