NewsThump

Local lettings agent receives Man Booker Prize for Fiction

Shark survives attack by Australian surfer

The sugar isn’t ‘hidden’ you’re just ignoring it, consumers told

Latitude festival to offer refund following surprise Ed Sheeran set

Australian cricket team deported under anti-terror legislation

Scientists admit defeat in search for cure to common Coldplay

Harry Potter producers accused of sexism after 45 year-old man refused audition as ‘Modesty’

The answer to any question in a Daily Mail headline is ‘No’, finds study

Royal Nazi film gives Prince Philip his best erection ‘in decades’

Mute Brummie invited to join Mensa

Most of Aldi’s stock actually shit, reveal middle-class shoppers

Bank of England warns of rise in tedious mortgage conversations

Coalition forces to launch airstrikes over war-torn Labour party

Matthew Wright and Jeremy Kyle actually the same person

Jeremy Kyle Show’s 10th anniversary special to broadcast live from bowels of Hell

‘Oh, go on then’ say MPs who previously rallied against pay rise

Jeremy Corbyn vows to lead party back to Labour’s halcyon days of the 1980s

How about Super-Soakers then, asks Boris Johnson

Woman has meaningful appraisal

Eton College accidentally offers places to poor children

New Horizons probe gives Pluto scathing 2-star review on TripAdvisor

Prick paying for his coffee with Apple Watch making sure everyone knows it

Four fingers of fudge now required to give average British kid a treat

Court papers reveal 50 Cent ‘blew fortune’ on encyclopaedias and oak furnishings

Government advises using pack of hounds to remove mice, wasps, and bats from homes

French Primark raiders to seek refund on ‘poor quality’ loot

Exploiting the vulnerable is our job, Duncan-Smith warns charities

Removal of confederate flag will definitely prevent mass shootings, insists America

Raheem Sterling agrees to Greek bailout

Raheem Sterling transfer replaces Hatton Garden raid as Britain’s biggest robbery

Newsthump Digest