UKWorldVladimir Putin admits he’s never felt safer as 5′ 2″ 91-year-old insists he’d take a bullet for him
SocietySportsUKCompetitive Dad intensively training son in egg and spoon technique ahead of school sports day
SocietyTechnologyUKMan celebrates after being added to 100th unnecessary WhatsApp group that he will never be able to leave
BusinessEnvironmentUKEntire country switches to electric vehicles overnight as single tank of fuel passes RRP of a Tesla
EntertainmentUK‘It isn’t a swastika, it’s just six lines rearranged that happen to look like one’ – the ultimate guide to defending your use of Nazi imagery, by Laurence Fox
BrexitUKBrexiters who’ve spent six years saying ‘you lost, get over it’ still waiting to discover what they’ve won
PoliticsWorldUS Supreme Court to finally restrict Second Amendment after school shootings repositioned as 560-week abortions
WorldAmerica’s gun problem solved as Senate votes to make it very slightly harder for unstable, racist people under 21 to buy a gun
PoliticsUKBoris frantically hunting for fag packet on which to scribble new ‘policies’ in wake of election defeats
BrexitHealthUKBrexiters cheered as re-emergence of Polio takes Britain another step back to its glorious past
BusinessPoliticsUKGovernment insists pensioners should get an inflation-busting increase in income despite only 67% of them voting Tory