NewsThump

John Lennon turd to fetch record price at auction

‘What’s a Caucus?’ asks everyone

Civil unrest feared as biscuit shortage strikes Britain

Brain lesion recovering well after removal of Katie Hopkins

Ivor the Engine retires to National Railway Museum

Boris Johnson wakes from 4-day bender hoping he didn’t do anything stupid.

BBC to follow Dickensian with DickEmerysan

Brits Awards to be renamed the MOWOs

Tramp to be buried naked after Jeremy Corbyn acquires new suit

Plans for 250ft Margaret Thatcher statue backed by pigeons

Facebook somehow forgets to add ‘nobody gives a shit’ reaction

Man who fucked a dead pig chooses to mock another man’s suit

David Cameron to push for House of Commons dress code

‘ ‘, says Jeremy Corbyn

Intelligent woman sexually attracted to man who used a semicolon correctly

Scientists cross celery with cabbage and quinoa to create world’s least interesting healthfood

Rav at FoneZone in Streatham offers to unlock killer’s iPhone for FBI

Queen thinks Crossrail is for her sole personal use

Scientists uncover link between fascist tendencies and tiny genitals

Hitler had a really small penis, world shocked to learn

World stunned as KFC meal discovered to contain actual chicken

Leading Brexit campaigners coincidentally a shower of c*nts

EU exit could make UK more vulnerable to Iain Duncan Smith-style attacks

Staying in EU would see more wasps, rain, and nasty coughs says Boris

Staying in EU would see more cute dogs, cake and sexy kissing says Cameron

Wales braced for ‘unprecedented’ weather after Met Office warns it might stop raining

Lecture on meaning of ‘well-regulated militia’ interrupted by gunfire

New EU ‘Shake it all about’ campaign group emerges

Archaeologists amazed as wheel found in Cambridgeshire

David Cameron under fire for not bringing back any duty free after Europe trip

Newsthump Digest