NewsThump

Ken Livingstone’s disabled toilet hiding place to get Blue Plaque

I can’t believe Ken Livingstone said that, announces Donald Trump

Popcorn shares rocket as Ken Livingstone goes on telly to talk about Hitler

Labour strategy being written by psychotic clown who appears in Jeremy Corbyn’s mirror

Church of England denies doping claims

God condemns Labour party to forty years in the wilderness

Cats also hate being hugged, confirms heavily lacerated man

I dream of the day when a Jew can lead Labour party, says equality campaigner

Ed Balls desperately reminding everyone that it’s ‘Ed Balls Day’

Ku Klux Klan big supporters of #BlackLivesMatter, claims Ken Livingstone

Newcastle summer to happen on a Saturday this year, confirms Met office

But we caught the Yorkshire Ripper, insist South Yorkshire police

Middle-class man admits to not liking houmous

The Sun fails to apologise for incidents of accurate and almost responsible journalism

Middle-aged man thinks Kendrick Lamar is ‘fresh’

Top Gear announces spin-off apology show

Tom Daley to just dive naked and be done with it

Farage rhymes with ‘twat’

Facebook servers under ‘enormous strain’ as snow sweeps UK

Man confused and frightened by ‘incoming call’ on smartphone

Fish refusing to be wrapped in The Sun newspaper

We can’t afford refugee children because we spent everything blowing up their houses, claims government

Doctor’s strike results in Daleks conquering the universe

English man who watched ten-minute Poker tutorial on YouTube now an ‘expert’

Police admit ‘errors were made’ in Hillsborough cover-up

Jay-Z rushes out hastily-produced album about sleeping on the couch

The Sun still wondering if there will be anything newsworthy to report tomorrow

Man in Manchester City shirt somehow arguing against foreign workers

Theresa May: I’ll decide who gets human rights

Kelvin MacKenzie now OFFICIALLY a massive c*nt

Newsthump Digest