NewsThump

Germany vetoed Cameron but would definitely give us the deal we want, insists IDS

Sadiq Khan ‘one of the not-so-bad Muslims’, confirms Trump

Stormtrooper suddenly realises those were the droids he was looking for

God confesses: Religion, not my best idea to be honest

Risk of World War 3 no justification for treaty change, EU confirms

Britain welcomes in autumn

Chilcot Report to be published after finally agreeing suitable ending with publishers

Stag do loses three men during expedition to Wetherspoons toilet

Management consultant going round like he’s some sort of f*cking rock star

Office stupified by single wasp

United States adds Algebra to list of terror organisations

Latest ‘In’ campaign message just David Cameron shouting ‘F**king Hell’ and screaming

‘Roof down’ grins wanker

Homeopathic doctors threaten five-second strike

Gove and Osborne to fight with hammers

Katie Hopkins’ halal bum sausage posts martyrdom video online

Gas powered barbecues ‘definitely cheating’ confirm experts

Chief Rabbi calls creation of Ken Livingstone a ‘catastrophe’

Sadiq Khan welcomes ISIS into his new London Caliphate

“KHAAAAAAAN!”, cries Boris Johnson

Schools Mental Health champion axed for being ‘mad’

Ministry of Magic abandons plans to force Hogwarts School to become an Academy

Donald Trump deals colossal blow to the EU Leave campaign by pledging his support

The best thing in life is actually a cup of tea, says Conan

Cigarette packaging to be made of excrement, nettles and misery

We’ll stick with the pig guy, thanks, confirm voters

Takeaway menu printed with no spelling errors

Ghostbuster Ray Stantz admits he thought of Donald Trump as well as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man

Kate Middleton’s pet hamster becomes fourth in line to the throne

Prime Minister to attend PMQs in his pants if UK votes for Brexit

Newsthump Digest