EntertainmentUK‘He touched my bum’ Scorpion given counselling after coming into contact with Tory politician
EntertainmentPoliticsUKLatest bushtucker trial sees Matt Hancock given phone and list of Tory supporters to try and recover a billion pounds of written-off taxpayer cash for undelivered PPE
BusinessTechnologyUK‘Free speech’ absolutist who was happy for misinformation to subvert democracy not that happy when it affects his investment portfolio
PoliticsUKI now have more time to spend on my hobbies like leaving my car just over the white line of a parking space, confirms Gavin Williamson
BusinessUKBlack Friday to be re-named ‘Normal run of the mill Friday’ because people can’t afford to buy anything
SocietyUKIdiots who rant at people for not wearing poppies planning to completely forget about veterans after 11am
BusinessUKBeing able to recite Cameo’s Word Up in full cannot be considered an appraisal achievement, insists HR
BusinessTechnologyUKAfter Elon Musk insists ‘tricking people on Twitter is not OK’ the Daily Mail updates handle to include the word ‘misinformation’
BrexitPoliticsUK‘There was no way to predict these issues with Northern Ireland protocol’ explains man to millions of people who predicted precisely these issues with Northern Ireland Protocol
HealthUKNurses are ‘far too important to be allowed to strike’ insists man who also believes they’re not important enough to be paid properly
PoliticsUKRight-wing Christians remind everyone of little-known Bible story where Jesus told refugees to ‘sod off back where you came from’
BusinessPoliticsUKOffice worker who told colleague to ‘slit their own throat’ given slightly smaller desk as punishment
BusinessSportsWorldQatari official to be ‘flogged’ after accidentally cancelling Sepp Blatter’s regular bribe a month early
BusinessApplications for Hooters go through the roof as eager women become desperate to flirt with all the alpha male customers
