NewsThump

New BBC3 base in shed at bottom of garden

BBC must be more like organisations that didn’t report my relationship with a prostitute, claims Whittingdale

‘Are you both trying to lose?’ public asks EU referendum campaigns

Sunderland made 2017 Premier League favourites

Tattoo seeks Russell Brand removal

BBC actually biased against everyone, confirms BBC

London receptionist ‘sent home for not wearing stilts’

Men urged to retire Jimmy Savile impressions

Friends breathe sigh of relief as Facebook user declares he’s ‘taking a break’

Ryan Gosling turns into beautiful swan

‘Some of my favourite restaurants are Chinese’ clarifies Queen

Tony Stark wins Invictus Games

Kepler Telescope discovers one thousand earth-like tax havens

Nigeria tackles corruption allegations by offering to transfer £23m to David Cameron’s bank account

Cliff Richard busy practising dementia symptoms in front of the mirror

West Ham hooligans in emotional final attack on team visiting Boleyn ground

It was meant as a compliment, Cameron tells ‘fantastically corrupt’ countries

EU favours the wealthy says man who spent entire political career favouring the wealthy

Game of Thrones to tackle falling ratings by introducing Scrappy-Doo

Second skin breakthrough hated by woman with weird trick hated by dermatologists

Optimists devastated to learn that everything doesn’t happen for a reason

Germany vetoed Cameron but would definitely give us the deal we want, insists IDS

Sadiq Khan ‘one of the not-so-bad Muslims’, confirms Trump

Stormtrooper suddenly realises those were the droids he was looking for

God confesses: Religion, not my best idea to be honest

Risk of World War 3 no justification for treaty change, EU confirms

Britain welcomes in autumn

Chilcot Report to be published after finally agreeing suitable ending with publishers

Stag do loses three men during expedition to Wetherspoons toilet

Management consultant going round like he’s some sort of f*cking rock star

Newsthump Digest