NewsThump

Foreigners still not f**ked off yet

Britain still hoping for arrival of the Dragon Queen

Turkeys vote for Christmas

Referendum fought on ‘democracy’ to see nation get Prime Minister no-one voted for

‘Does this tie look Priministerial?’ Boris Johnson asks wife

Nigel Farage rushed to hospital with chronic smugness

Racists delighted

Michael Gove convinced there was something important he was supposed to do today

Highly trained secret agents set to work rubbing out crosses on ballot papers

Nation urged not to fuck this up

Massive EU Referendum conspiracy foiled after voter uses a pen

Poll shows Remain vote briefly hit ‘150%’ after Michael Gove hints at resignation

Biggest democratic decision in generation to be decided by need for umbrella

Northern Ireland hoping next defeat also rewarded with Euro 2016 progress

‘Just read that final table to us will you?’ Iceland asks Ronaldo

God insists no second go if Day of Judgement proves unpopular

People stuck in Glastonbury traffic unaware this will be highlight of weekend

EU to respond to British ‘Independence Day’ with gigantic spaceships and Death-rays

Britons to seize historic opportunity to tell Nigel Farage to fuck off

Growing confusion amongst idiots who think they need to ‘take country back’

Nigel Farage ‘looking forward’ to new career as panto villain

Man successfully believes it’s not butter

Man joins Brexit campaign ‘for the girls’

David Beckham declares support for Ready Brek

Bollywood megastar Salman Khan pretty confident being actor is ‘just like being raped’

Study finds people only go to Glastonbury to tell people they went to Glastonbury

Lucky England shirt binned after failing to do its job

Gigantic sea monster spotted on Google Earth identified as Cthulhu

‘Der-brain’ to be officially retired as insult

Cats would vote to leave EU and then refuse to go out

Newsthump Digest