BusinessUK‘We have to keep petrol prices this high or our quarterly profits could drop below $5bn’ insists BP
UKLiz Truss poses for several dozen official photographs of her ignoring ‘attention seeking’ Nicola Sturgeon
BusinessPoliticsUKEnergy companies making billions in profit every month during an energy crisis is just further proof that privatisation works, insists government
BusinessEnvironmentUKHosepipe ban imposed after Southern Water fears it can’t guarantee the smooth dumping of raw sewage
SportsUKWoman uses salt and pepper pots to patiently explain to confused husband how Lionesses are better than England’s men
EntertainmentSportsUKIf the Lionesses win I will happily celebrate by sticking a flare up my arse, confirms Prince William
EntertainmentUKMan bitterly regrets asking coworkers what was all the fuss about Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy
PoliticsUKLiz Truss reveals she was raised in an alternate dystopian timeline where Conservatives weren’t in power for the entire 1980s
BusinessEnvironmentUKIt’s really difficult to make billions in extra profit after raising prices by 60% for millions of people, insist energy executives
SportsUK‘Yeah but Ronaldo would have backheeled it into the top corner’ and other ways this idiot is pretending the Lionesses aren’t brilliant
EntertainmentPoliticsUKKate McCann praised for quick-thinking actions to prevent another Tory leadership ‘debate’
EntertainmentPoliticsUKRishi Sunak unveils new look in bid to win support of Conservative Party members
BrexitBusinessUKBrexiters left stunned after France demonstrates easy control of their own border despite being in EU
BusinessEntertainmentUKWarhammer 40k player hasn’t noticed fuel price increase because paying £100 for a tank is perfectly normal for him