NewsThump

New study reveals 90% of web users only read the headlines

Secret Santa gift some sort of homemade shit

Simon Williams to appear on I’m a Celebrity – Get Me Out of Here!

Britain First leader Paul Golding spends first night in prison converts to Islam

“No, I was blanking THEM actually,” insists Theresa May

Brexiter absolutely convinced he could negotiate better Brexit deal than government

Nickelback fail to set off airport metal detector

2016s were much worse when I were a lad, claims Yorkshire Grandad

Nigel Farage to hum selection of wartime tunes at Donald Trump inauguration

Man eats sprout

‘Brushing teeth at work’ added to psychopath test

Gap between rich and poor students winning university places almost wide enough, admit Tories

Police to require degrees in lobbing detainees down some stairs

West responds to Aleppo crisis with satirical article about Aleppo crisis

Police find body in Wally hunt

Jeremy Corbyn goes into hibernation

Curse of 2016 strikes again as Chris Rea’s car fails MOT

New evidence reveals The Proclaimers only walked two miles before turning back

Boss in Christmas jumper still a complete c**t

Brexit Bus receives Golden Globe nomination for ‘Best Special Effect’

Pret to open new branch in your lounge

Star Wars: A New Hope slammed for containing Rogue One spoilers

Well this is all going rather swimmingly, isn’t it, claims Putin

Woman dumps boyfriend after two blue ticks on WhatsApp and no reply within 3 minutes

Donald Trump awarded Nobel Peace prize after pledging to drone-strike fewer people than Barack Obama

Trump team admits failure to deliver ‘Brexit plus’ after hate crimes rise a ‘disappointing 110%’

I won’t attend security briefings until they stop saying bad things about my friends, insists Donald Trump

Elf-on-the-Shelf has seen some messed-up shit

Foreign Office official Christmas card is Boris Johnson doing a moonie

Southern Railway customers enjoy vastly improved commute after building replacement railway out of Brio

Newsthump Digest