NewsThump

Russia asked if they’d mind keeping their Aircraft Carrier downwind

Brexit Whitepaper just says “Get Over It” in Comic Sans

Donald Trump announces major investigation to look for voter fraud evidence he pretended to have

Arkham Asylum closed after Donald Trump blames mental illness on vaccines

Melania Trump receives Oscar nomination for role as devoted wife of total shit

Researchers find men with small cocks more likely to order massive oil pipelines

Jeremy Corbyn will not oppose Article 50 because it sounds like hard work

Piers Morgan emasculated by his own reflection

Man who doesn’t care what you think keeps logging in to tell you so

Theresa May hires Baldrick to discuss ‘cunning plan’ for Brexit

“Does that mean me or Rey?” asks worried Luke Skywalker

Supreme Court Brexit decision to be written on the side of a bus

“We won, you lost, get over it” Brexiters told outside Supreme Court

Every man, woman and child on the planet attended inauguration claims Trump administration.

Human evolution put on hold while people argue over definition of ‘facts’

Crowds cheer as Grammar-Nazi punched in face on live TV

Lone assassin tries to kill Donald Trump with slices of burnt toast

Chips are a superfood and don’t you forget it, scientists told

The Top Ten Alternative Facts for a brave new world (number 8 won’t shock you that much really)

Man who chanted ‘Lock her up’ at Trump rally delighted to see him give Hillary standing ovation

Middle-class child fails to say anything poignant about Donald Trump

Man who didn’t like La La Land shunned by society

“Who the hell has got my phone?” demands a furious Donald Trump

PM pledges the Government will not buy any more Trident missiles off eBay

“Who’s President of the United States in 2017?” Doc Brown asks Marty McFly

Misfiring Trident an effective deterrent against anyone wanting to buy it

Footage of violent protests convinces Trump voters they were wrong

Americans treating every day without nuclear armageddon as a bonus

Everyone in the world pinching themselves in desperate attempt to wake from terrible dream

The Year of the Cock to last for four years, confirms China

Newsthump Digest